Take Nothing For Granted

In the blink of an eye, everything can change.

 Love with all your heart and never

 take things for granted.

You never know when you may not

 have that chance again. 

Life is short.  There are no written guarantees.

23 Signs You're Secretly An Introvert

August 24, 2013

23 Signs You're Secretly An Introvert
The Huffington Post  |  By Carolyn Gregoire
Carolyn Gregoire is the Associate Lifestyle Editor of the Huffington Post.
Posted: 08/20/2013 8:36 am EDT  |  Updated: 08/21/2013 10:07 pm EDT

Think you can spot an introvert in a crowd? Think again. Although the stereotypical introvert may be the one at the party who's hanging out alone by the food table fiddling with an iPhone, the "social butterfly" can just as easily have an introverted personality.

"Spotting the introvert can be harder than finding Waldo," Sophia Dembling, author of "The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World," tells The Huffington Post. "A lot of introverts can pass as extroverts."

People are frequently unaware that they’re introverts -– especially if they’re not shy -- because they may not realize that being an introvert is about more than just cultivating time alone. Instead, it can be more instructive to pay attention to whether they're losing or gaining energy from being around others, even if the company of friends gives them pleasure.

“Introversion is a basic temperament, so the social aspect -- which is what people focus on -- is really a small part of being an introvert," Dr. Marti Olsen Laney, psychotherapist and author of "The Introvert Advantage," said in a Mensa discussion. "It affects everything in your life.”

Despite the growing conversation around introversion, it remains a frequently misunderstood personality trait. As recently as 2010, the American Psychiatric Association even considered classifying "introverted personality" as a disorder by listing it in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), a manual used to diagnose mental illness.

But more and more introverts are speaking out about what it really means to be a "quiet" type. Not sure if you're an innie or an outie? See if any of these 23 telltale signs of introversion apply to you.

1. You find small talk incredibly cumbersome.

Introverts are notoriously small talk-phobic, as they find idle chatter to be a source of anxiety, or at least annoyance. For many quiet types, chitchat can feel disingenuous.

“Let's clear one thing up: Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people," Laurie Helgoe writes in "Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength." "We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.”

2. You go to parties -– but not to meet people.

If you're an introvert, you may sometimes enjoy going to parties, but chances are, you're not going because you're excited to meet new people. At a party, most introverts would rather spend time with people they already know and feel comfortable around. If you happen to meet a new person that you connect with, great -- but meeting people is rarely the goal.

3. You often feel alone in a crowd.

Ever feel like an outsider in the middle of social gatherings and group activities, even with people you know?

"If you tend to find yourself feeling alone in a crowd, you might be an introvert," says Dembling. "We might let friends or activities pick us, rather than extending our own invitations."

4. Networking makes you feel like a phony.

Networking (read: small-talk with the end goal of advancing your career) can feel particularly disingenuous for introverts, who crave authenticity in their interactions.

"Networking is stressful if we do it in the ways that are stressful to us," Dembling says, advising introverts to network in small, intimate groups rather than at large mixers.

5. You've been called "too intense."

Do you have a penchant for philosophical conversations and a love of thought-provoking books and movies? If so, you're a textbook introvert.

"Introverts like to jump into the deep end," says Dembling.

6. You're easily distracted.

While extroverts tend to get bored easily when they don't have enough to do, introverts have the opposite problem -- they get easily distracted and overwhelmed in environments with an excess of stimulation.

"Extroverts are commonly found to be more easily bored than introverts on monotonous tasks, probably because they require and thrive on high levels of stimulation," Clark University researchers wrote in a paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. "In contrast, introverts are more easily distracted than extroverts and, hence, prefer relatively unstimulating environments."

7. Downtime doesn’t feel unproductive to you.

One of the most fundamental characteristics of introverts is that they need time alone to recharge their batteries. Whereas an extrovert might get bored or antsy spending a day at home alone with tea and a stack of magazines, this sort of down time feels necessary and satisfying to an introvert.

8. Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards.

Introverts can be excellent leaders and public speakers -- and although they're stereotyped as being the shrinking violet, they don't necessarily shy away from the spotlight. Performers like Lady Gaga, Christina Aguilera and Emma Watson all identify as introverts, and an estimated 40 percent of CEOs have introverted personalities. Instead, an introvert might struggle more with meeting and greeting large groups of people on an individual basis.

9. When you get on the subway, you sit at the end of the bench -– not in the middle.

Whenever possible, introverts tend to avoid being surrounded by people on all sides.

"We're likely to sit in places where we can get away when we're ready to -- easily," says Dembling. "When I go to the theater, I want the aisle seat or the back seat."

10. You start to shut down after you’ve been active for too long.

Do you start to get tired and unresponsive after you've been out and about for too long? It's likely because you’re trying to conserve energy. Everything introverts do in the outside world causes them to expend energy, after which they'll need to go back and replenish their stores in a quiet environment, says Dembling. Short of a quiet place to go, many introverts will resort to zoning out.

11. You're in a relationship with an extrovert.

It's true that opposites attract, and introverts frequently gravitate towards outgoing extroverts who encourage them to have fun and not take themselves too seriously.

"Introverts are sometimes drawn to extroverts because they like being able to ride their 'fun bubble,'" Dembling says.

12. You'd rather be an expert at one thing than try to do everything.

The dominant brain pathways introverts use is one that allows you to focus and think about things for a while, so they’re geared toward intense study and developing expertise, according to Olsen Laney.

13. You actively avoid any shows that might involve audience participation.

Because really, is anything more terrifying?

14. You screen all your calls -- even from friends.

You may not pick up your phone even from people you like, but you’ll call them back as soon as you’re mentally prepared and have gathered the energy for the conversation.

"To me, a ringing phone is like having somebody jump out of a closet and go 'BOO!,'" says Dembling. "I do like having a long, nice phone call with a friend -- as long as it's not jumping out of the sky at me."

15. You notice details that others don't.

The upside of being overwhelmed by too much stimuli is that introverts often have a keen eye for detail, noticing things that may escape others around them. Research has found that introverts exhibit increased brain activity when processing visual information, as compared to extroverts.

16. You have a constantly running inner monologue.

“Extroverts don’t have the same internal talking as we do,” says Olsen Laney. “Most introverts need to think first and talk later."

17. You have low blood pressure.

A 2006 Japanese study found that introverts tend to have lower blood pressure than their extroverted counterparts.

18. You’ve been called an “old soul” -– since your 20s.

Introverts observe and take in a lot of information, and they think before they speak, leading them to appear wise to others.

"Introverts tend to think hard and be analytical," says Dembling. "That can make them seem wise."

19. You don't feel "high" from your surroundings

Neurochemically speaking, things like huge parties just aren’t your thing. Extroverts and introverts differ significantly in how their brains process experiences through "reward" centers.

Researchers demonstrated this phenomenon by giving Ritalin -- the ADHD drug that stimulates dopamine production in the brain -- to introverted and extroverted college students. They found that extroverts were more likely to associate the feeling of euphoria achieved by the rush of dopamine with the environment they were in. Introverts, by contrast, did not connect the feeling of reward to their surroundings. The study "suggests that introverts have a fundamental difference in how strongly they process rewards from their environment, with the brains of introverts weighing internal cues more strongly than external motivational and reward cues," explained LiveScience's Tia Ghose.

20. You look at the big picture.

When describing the way that introverts think, Jung explained that they're more interested in ideas and the big picture rather than facts and details. Of course, many introverts excel in detail-oriented tasks -- but they often have a mind for more abstract concepts as well.

"Introverts do really enjoy abstract discussion," says Dembling.

21. You’ve been told to “come out of your shell.”

Many introverted children come to believe that there's something "wrong" with them if they're naturally less outspoken and assertive than their peers. Introverted adults often say that as children, they were told to come out of their shells or participate more in class.

22. You’re a writer.

Introverts are often better at communicating in writing than in person, and many are drawn to the solitary, creative profession of writing. Most introverts -- like "Harry Potter" author J.K. Rowling -- say that they feel most creatively charged when they have time to be alone with their thoughts.

23. You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity.

Introverts can move around their introverted “set point” which determines how they need to balance solitude with social activity. But when they move too much -- possibly by over-exerting themselves with too much socializing and busyness -- they get stressed and need to come back to themselves, according Olsen Laney. This may manifest as going through periods of heightened social activity, and then balancing it out with a period of inwardness and solitude.

"There's a recovery point that seems to be correlated with how much interaction you've done," says Dembling. "We all have our own private cycles."

Criticism

Picture by Gary Koenig

“The majority of people permit relatives, friends,

and the public at large to so influence them

that they cannot live their own lives,

because they fear criticism.”

~ Napoleon Hill

Napoleon Hill (October 26, 1883 - November 8, 1970) An American author who was one of the earliest producers of the modern genre of personal-success literature. His most famous work, Think and Grow Rich, is one of the best-selling books of all time.

Elements in Creation

Star V838 Monocerotis
Released by NASA on 12-04-2011

"All human beings are interconnected,

one with all other elements in creation."

~  Henry Reed

Henry Reed (22 February 1914 – 8 December 1986) was a British poet, translator, radio dramatist and journalist.

He was born in Birmingham and educated at King Edward VI School, Aston, followed by the University of Birmingham. At university he associated with W. H. Auden, Louis MacNeice and Walter Allen. He went on to study for an MA and then worked as a teacher and journalist. He was called up to the Army in 1941, spending most of the war as a Japanese translator.

Celebrate Your Uniqueness

Carmel by the Sea

"The one thing that you have

 that nobody else has is you.

Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision.

So write and draw and build and play and dance 

and live as only you can."  

                                                                                                ~ Neil Gaiman

Neil Richard MacKinnon Gaiman is an English author of short fiction, novels, comic books, graphic novels, audio theatre and films. Wikipedia

Born: November 10, 1960 (age 52), Portchester, United Kingdom

5 Healthy Hot Cocoa Recipes

mother nature network

5 healthy hot cocoa recipes
Kick the chemicals out of your hot cocoa with these creamy chocolicious concoctions (including vegan and sugar-free options).

By Melissa Breyer
Wed, Nov 28 2012 at 3:09 PM

Photo:  GGK Photography

If there were a contest for the most comforting thing in the world, hot cocoa would surely be in the running for the crown, along with teddy bears, cozy sweaters and the occasional brandy-filled flask. Hot cocoa warms a winter-chilled body, incites nostalgic reverie, and has the ability to hit the spot like few other libations. And beyond that, as counter-intuitive as it may sound, it can be abundantly healthy — as in, possessing three times more antioxidants than green tea! (Get the whole skinny here: 7 health benefits of drinking hot cocoa.) Hot cocoa is one of the best ways to get chocolate’s antioxidants, but unless you are using a healthy recipe, the benefits of cocoa’s powerhouse nutrients can be negated by the ill effects of too much sugar and a host of synthetic ingredients.

The main ingredient in most commercial hot cocoa mixes is sugar, followed by corn syrup, with actual cocoa hiding somewhere in the middle of the list of disturbingly polysyllabic ingredients. In fact, a look at the nutrition panels of the most popular brands reveals a whole hodgepodge of ingredients that just have no business being in a simple cup of cocoa. Case in point? Hydrogenated coconut oil, partially hydrogenated palm oil, gelatin, artificial flavor, sodium hexametaphosphate, blue 1, dipotassium phosphate, sodium aluminosilicate, sucralose, sodium phosphate, and acesulfame potassium, to name a few. Who wants a hot cup of that?

In the United States, the terms hot cocoa and hot chocolate seem to be used interchangeably, but there actually is a difference. Hot cocoa is made by dissolving cocoa powder in a hot water or milk, while hot chocolate involves melting a piece of chocolate into the hot liquid. Drinking chocolate, which is often what hot chocolate is called in Europe, is the same as hot chocolate. Hot chocolate yields a richer drink than hot cocoa because chocolate has cocoa butter in it, so there is more fat. Cocoa powder has the fat removed, so it’s a healthier way to get the all the salubrious nutrients which chocolate offers — but with these recipes there is no richness sacrificed.

In all of the recipes here you can play around with the proportions, adding more or less sweetener as you prefer — and you can also mix and match the milks, as these were developed so that either dairy or nut milks could be used. All of these will yield one regular or two small servings, you can double or quadruple as desired.

1. Traditional Hot Chocolate
This is the only one of the group here that includes chocolate pieces, which as mentioned before creates a beverage with more fat. That said, this recipe will yield a beautiful cup of hot chocolate that will still be better for you than a chemical- and preservative laden cup made from a crummy instant mix.

1 cup milk (or nut milk)
1/2 vanilla bean, split
3 ounces semisweet or milk chocolate, cut into small pieces

Heat milk to scalding in a medium saucepan, add vanilla, and let steep with the heat off for 10 minutes. Strain and return milk to saucepan to reheat milk. (You can use 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract instead and skip the steeping process.) Whisk in chocolate until melted and frothy. Serve, savor.

2. Dried Plum Cocoa
Okay, okay. Yes, you could call this one the “hot prune smoothie,” but we’re going to stand by it anyway. After all, if the French can make Pruneaux d’Agen (the decadent prune and chocolate cake) then we can make pruneaux d’ cocoa, by golly. (We’re just going to follow the lead of the prune industry and rename it dried plum cocoa.) The truth is, this one is so thick and rich it’s closer to drinking chocolate, and instead of sugar’s empty calories, you get a healthy dose of fiber, antioxidants, vitamins and minerals.

1 cup almond milk (or regular milk)
3 medium plums
2 tablespoons dark cocoa powder
1 pinch of salt
1/4 teaspoon vanilla

Put all ingredients in the blender and puree until very smooth, gently heat in a pot on the stove. Voila.

3. Coconut Hot Cocoa
Somehow, mixing the products of a tropical tree — coconut milk and dates — just seems all wrong for making the perfect drink for a blizzardy afternoon. And it’s true this one may not be the best if you’re considering food miles. But for dairy-free, sugar-free, nut-free diets this recipe may be as close as you get to cocoa nirvana. And for anyone else, if you’ve got the ingredients, this version is super salubrious and delicious.

3 tablespoons canned coconut milk
3/4 cup water
3 soft pitted Medjool dates
1 tablespoon cacao powder
Dash of cinnamon

Put all ingredients in the blender and puree until very smooth, gently heat in a pot on the stove. Sip and dream of the tropics.

4. Maple Cocoa
Maple syrup is one of a wholesome-cooking cook’s best-kept weapons in avoiding refined sugar. It not only adds a punch of sweetness, but that special almost-smoky maple taste adds incredible depth to baked goods and sweets that are hearty in flavor (meaning, great with chocolate and nutty things, not so good for angel food cake). This one is nice with the neutral flavors of regular dairy, but you can use any alternative milk you’d like as well.

1 cup milk
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 tablespoon maple syrup
1 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 pinch of salt

Combine ingredients in a medium pot and warm on medium-low heat, whisking until frothy and hot.

5. Mexican Hot Cocoa
The original chocolate beverage lauded by the Mayans was a bitter spicy slurry drunk cold and nothing like the Swiss Miss we have come to rely on. Hot cocoa in Mexico and other southern realms retains the heat, which is very clever since chocolate and spice go together as well any pair of flavors possibly could.

1 cup soy milk (or regular milk)
1 tablespoon Sucanat (see note)
2 tablespoons cocoa powder
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 pinch of salt
1 pinch of cinnamon
1 pinch (or more, go crazy!) of cayenne

Combine ingredients in a medium pot and warm on medium-low heat, whisking until frothy and hot. Say "salud" to the Mayans for bringing us drinkable chocolate.

Note: Sucanat is the trade name for “Sugar Cane Natural,” a non-refined cane sugar that is made by crushing sugar cane, extracting the juice then heating and drying it. It’s a more wholesome sweetener than refined sugar – but if you don’t have it, agave syrup, stevia, or regular sugar can be used instead.

8 Surprisingly Healthy Foods

mother nature network

8 surprisingly healthy foods

Do eat this, don't eat that. The continual browbeating about our bad food choices makes these happy exceptions cause for celebration.

By Melissa Breyer
Thu, Aug 15 2013 at 2:30 PM

Photo:  jemasmith/Flickr

In one of the tragic twists of modern eating, it seems that the foods most likely to bring us pleasure are also most likely to bring us poor health. Our lust for fat, salt and sugar was once necessary to boost our ancestors' chance of survival; but the first-world abundance of foods rife with such ingredients seems to be having a counter-effect thanks to food-related heart disease, diabetes, obesity and even cancer.

But sometimes research proves that it’s not all gloom and doom when it comes to eating delicious foods with a bad reputation. The following foods defy conventional wisdom about healthy choices.

1. Hot chocolate
Hot chocolate as health food? We kid you not. As dark chocolate continues its rise as a health food star, its cousin, hot chocolate, gets a boost too. In fact, researchers have found that it may even exceed plain old chocolate in terms of the health benefits it has to offer. Just avoid the chemical-laden instant mixes and opt for a natural one, or make one of these 5 healthy hot cocoa recipes.

2. Anchovies
The salty little fishy fish may seem more of a sodium bomb than a health food, but anchovies come packed with omega-3 fatty acids, which are thought to offer protection against everything from heart disease to depression. Anchovies deliver as many grams of omega-3s as salmon and nearly twice as much as halibut. Of course, few people are going to eat the same serving size of anchovies as they would a piece of salmon, but you can add them to many things to increase your consumption. And best of all, unlike salmon and other large fatty fish, anchovies are not overfished and are notably low in mercury and other toxins.

3. Coffee
Coffee’s reputation took a nosedive a few decades ago when research linked its consumption with pancreatic cancer; yet recent studies have not found the same connection. Yes, the Mayo Clinic notes that an excess of 500 to 600 milligrams of caffeine a day (roughly five to six cups of brewed coffee) may cause insomnia, nervousness, restlessness, irritability, stomach upset, fast heartbeat and muscle tremors; but the array of health benefits attributed to coffee is rather astounding. From lowering cancer and diabetes risk to decreasing depression and lengthening longevity, for some coffee may be a bona fide health food. Read more in Coffee: Friend or foe?

4. Eggs
Eggs became a big no-no because of concerns about cholesterol, but there have been many studies since those dark days suggesting that eggs are not that naughty. Which is great news, because eggs are incredible little powerhouses of nutrients. For 70 calories, you get six grams of excellent protein, plus a healthy number of other important nutrients. See Egg nutrition: Get the facts for more.

5. Potatoes
Potatoes that are immersed in a deep fat fryer are obviously not going to make it on the healthy list; the same goes for a baked potato saturated with butter and topped with a Matterhorn of sour cream, or mashed potatoes with butter and cream, or ones baked twice with piles of cheese. But that doesn’t mean potatoes should be denied. In fact, one medium baked potato with the skin contains 45 percent of the daily value for vitamin C; more potassium (620 mg) than bananas, spinach or broccoli; 10 percent of the daily value of B6; and trace amounts of thiamine, riboflavin, folate, magnesium, phosphorous, iron and zinc. All of that for a mere 100 calories, with no fat, sodium, or cholesterol. (Just watch the butter.)

6. Wine
Of course drinking alcohol isn’t healthy, except for when it is; which is when it’s red wine consumed in moderation. They Mayo Clinic says that the alcohol and antioxidants in red wine may help prevent heart disease by increasing levels of "good" cholesterol and protecting against artery damage. Many studies have backed up the claims. That said, too much alcohol can have harmful effects as well, so moderation is the key. See Abstaining from alcohol significantly shortens life for more on boozing for health.

7. Guacamole
Chips and guacamole are high in calories, there is no question about that, but don’t avoid avocados for that reason alone. Avocados are indeed higher in fat than most fruits, but it’s the heart-healthy, monounsaturated kind of fat, the kind that helps lower both total cholesterol and "bad" cholesterol. Avocados contain important carotenoids, a lot of vitamin E and potassium, and some fiber as well. When transformed into guacamole, some of the fat is cut and swapped with jalapeno, tomatoes, cilantro, garlic, onions, and lime; all of which hold their own impressive positions in a healthy menu line-up. Read about the dip’s history in Who invented guacamole?

8. Watermelon
It’s unlikely that many of you are going around thinking that watermelon is junk food, but it might surprise you to learn that it really is a nutritional bonanza. Given its high percentage of water (92 percent, in fact) watermelon is often passed over as nutritionally insipid, when in fact, it is an excellent source of the powerful antioxidant lycopene, in addition to being a good source of potassium, vitamin A and vitamin C.

Intellect & Egnorance

“Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread

winding its way through our political and cultural life,

nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that

‘my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.’”

~ Isaac Asimov

Isaac Asimov (January 2, 1920 – April 6, 1992) was an American author and professor of biochemistry at Boston University, best known for his works of science fiction and for his popular science books…

Social Security's 78th Anniversary and What You Should Know

The BLOG

Barbara J. Easterling President,
Alliance for Retired Americans
Posted: 08/13/2013 8:39 pm

Happy Birthday Social Security!
 More Important Than Ever

This week, we celebrate Social Security's 78th anniversary. There is a lot to celebrate! For nearly eight decades, Social Security has provided seniors with a secure retirement income and prevented retirees from falling into poverty. Social Security lifts over 21 million Americans out of poverty, including over 14 million seniors. It is doing just what it was designed to do.

I am reminded of the importance of Social Security every day as I hear stories from members about the role Social Security plays in their lives.

Leah Witherspoon from Dallas, Texas, for example, worked hard for decades, but she lost her job just a few years shy of retirement and lost her health insurance as a result. Leah struggled to get by until she became eligible for Social Security and Medicare. Now, Leah receives $1,684 a month from Social Security, which just enables her to pay for her healthcare costs and basic living expenses. Leah's situation is not uncommon -- almost half of unmarried older recipients depend upon Social Security for 90 percent or more of their income.

Carl Mariz from Irvine, Calif., worked as an engineer and spent years investing in his 401(k). In recent years, however, Carl's 401(k) took a significant hit due to the volatility of the stock market. Fortunately, Social Security is still there for Carl and many other seniors who lost a significant portion of their retirement investments in the economic downturn.

With fewer employers providing defined benefit pensions, stagnant middle class wages making it difficult for families to put aside retirement savings, and the stock market proving to be an uncertain gamble, it is clear that Social Security is more important than ever as the one secure, guaranteed source of retirement income.

That's why we need to celebrate this anniversary by fighting to protect Social Security. Too many politicians in Washington are still making the misguided claim that we need to cut Social Security in order to reduce the federal deficit. The truth is that Social Security has not contributed one penny to the federal deficit. Retirees have been paying into Social Security for all of our lives. We are not asking for any handouts, only for the benefits that we have fairly earned.

Protecting Social Security from misguided cuts is important, but it's only the first step. In an era when other sources of retirement income are increasingly unreliable, we need to strengthen Social Security in both the short and long term. Senator Tom Harkin's Strengthening Social Security Act (S. 567) accomplishes this by gradually lifting the payroll cap. Click here to support it. The legislation would extend the life of the Trust Fund and increase Social Security benefits by about $65 a month.

By taking these simple steps, we can ensure a secure retirement for current retirees as well as our children and grandchildren. We're working to protect and strengthen Social Security because we don't want to be the last generation to retire.

Follow Barbara J. Easterling on Twitter: www.twitter.com/activeretirees

Barbara J. Easterling was elected president of the Alliance for Retired Americans in February of 2009. She was previously the secretary-treasurer of the Communications Workers of America. For more information, visit www.retiredamericans.org or call 1-888-637-5399.

Secrets of Highly Happy Children

The BLOG

Katie Hurley
Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist, Parenting Expert

7 Secrets of Highly Happy Children
Posted: 08/11/2013 11:33 am

When it comes to kids, people just don't think about happiness enough these days. They think about success. They think in comparisons. They think about milestones, graduations and shiny trophies. (The ones they earned, of course. Because, you know, not everyone deserves a trophy these days).

They think about things like redshirting a potential Kindergartener -- not so that he will be happy, but so that he will have an advantage on the playing field or in the classroom.

They think about how many soccer teams a 9-year-old should play on at any given time to increase her odds of getting a full ride to some top-rated college at some point in the future.

They think about the obstacles that make parenting such an exhausting job. Yes, they think a lot about those.

But they don't spend a lot of time thinking about what makes kids happy.

Once upon a time, childhood was filled with endless days spent outside and very little TV. Imaginations ran wild and kids made their own fun with nothing but a few Matchbox cars and an old cardboard box. They played, they learned, and they socialized. But most of all, they had fun.

Life is far too scripted today. Plans are made. Classes are attended. Craft projects are intended to mimic those found on Pinterest. Gone are the days of free play and creating something out of nothing. Many kids today are simply following a script.

That's not to say that kids aren't happy, because many kids are. Many kids live a life full of adventure and wonder in their own backyards. But many don't. Many simply follow the plan. And that's a shame, because childhood should be all about happiness.

How can we focus on happiness when there is always so much to do? We can start by taking a breath (don't worry, that enormous pile of laundry will wait for you), and then we can take a few cues from happy kids.

7 Secrets of Highly Happy Kids:

1. They eat on time.
I know what you're thinking; that's too simple to be a real parenting strategy. Think again. Have you ever been so hungry that you just wanted to scream? That's how kids feel when they miss a snack or have to wait two hours past their normal mealtime to participate in some super-fancy family dinner.

Eating at regular intervals refuels their growing brains and bodies and keeps hunger under control. When kids are calm and satisfied, they experience greater happiness.

2. They get consistent sleep.
I know, I know, some kids are better sleepers than others. While that's certainly the truth, it isn't an excuse for poor sleep habits. Kids need to learn how to sleep. It's up to us to teach them. When they are completely exhausted, they are cranky. When they are well-rested and ready to embrace the day, they are happier. Make sleep (and a consistent bedtime) a priority.

3. They play without instructions.
Unstructured playtime appears to be a lost art these days. It used to be that kids made their own fun. Today, kids are over-scheduled, dialed in and in awe of toys that essentially do the playing for them. Sure, those garbage trucks with all of the bells and whistles are neat, but be sure to mix in some wooden trucks and building blocks. And, please, take a look at the busy schedule and find some time where your kids can just play each day. Play is good for the soul.

4. They are allowed to express emotions.
Kids yell when they're mad. They cry when they're sad. They might even stomp their feet and run around in circles when they're not sure what to feel. And sometimes, if you're really lucky, they do all of that in the middle of aisle 9 at your friendly neighborhood Target store. Let them. Kids need to express their emotions. While adults know to call a friend to vent when the going gets tough, kids are a bit more primitive. Shushing them and publicly shaming them doesn't help. Let them vent in their own little way and then offer to help. Enduring a public temper tantrum might feel overwhelming in the moment, but it's better than a lifetime of internalizing negative emotions that could lead to eating issues, depression or other emotional problems for your child.

5. They get to make choices.
Kids have very little control over their lives. They are constantly being told where to go, what to do and what to eat. A little bit of control goes a long way toward feeling happy. Let your kids choose their outfits. Allow them to choose the dinner menu one night per week. Ask them what classes they want to take. Give them the opportunity to make some decisions and watch them smile in return.

6. They feel heard.
Kids are intuitive. Even toddlers can tell when parents are tuning them out or answering on autopilot. When kids feel like their parents truly listen to them (about everything from Lightning McQueen's best race to what they learned in school), they feel more connected. This increases their self-confidence and increases their overall happiness. Listen when your children speak. It's the best way to build an open and honest relationship with your child and it makes your child happy.

Are you still with me? Because this last one is important.

7. They experience unconditional love.
Kids mess up. You tell them not to jump off the couch over and over again, but they do it anyway. And then they cry. Because childhood is largely based on trial and error, and sometimes kids just need to take chances. Forgive them. Love them anyway.

When kids know that their parents love and support them no matter what, they are more likely to take healthy risks. They are confident and secure in their decisions. They learn that sometimes people make mistakes, but there is always a chance to right a wrong.

When children know that their parents will always be there for them, for better or for worse, they are happy.

Katie is a Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist and Parenting Expert by day and writer by night in Los Angeles, CA. She divides her time between her family, her private practice and her laptop. You can find her at Practical Parenting, moonfrye, Clomid and Cabernet and allParenting. She also spends time on Facebook and Twitter. She lives by the beach with her rock & roll husband and her two children. She believes in lattes, family time and the power of play.

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Agapi Stassinopoulos 
Author of 'Unbinding the Heart'

5 Essential Questions to Lead You to Your Calling

Posted: 08/16/2013 8:14 am

I was talking to a son of a friend of mine who is 16 years old and rather evolved for his age, and I asked him, "Michael, why do you think we are here?" and he said to me, "To wake up." He proceeded to elaborate on that thought by saying: "I think most people are asleep -- they don't know who they are. I think we need to wake up to who we are." He then asked me, "Agapi, why do you think we are here?" I had no hesitation replying, "I think we are here to evolve and transform, and I think that everything that happens in our lives, and everything that doesn't happen is the journey to our transformation... I think fundamentally I totally agree with you, that we are here to wake up."

This conversation prompted this blog.

There is an underlying and maybe sometimes not so underlying question, which is in all of us: What is the purpose of my life and what am I here to do? Obviously, each one of us has to find our own unique and personal answer to these questions.

"How can I find my purpose?" That's a question I get asked a lot from people who are successful to unemployed, happily married to single, etc. "I don't feel connected to a purpose," they say.

I like to think of our purpose as our individual calling. It does not have to do with our accomplishments or our resume; it is a deeper thing that connects us to our heart's pulse. When we find it, it adds meaning to whatever we do and helps us feel the true sense of what success is.

Either way, when we connect to our heart's calling, everything starts to have meaning. So I have come up with five questions that as you answer can bring your calling closer to you.

What am I here to learn?
What am I here to teach?
What am I here to overcome?
What am I here to complete?
What am I here to express?

If you take a moment to answer these questions from an authentic, truthful place, the answers may be very different from what you had previously thought. These questions are meant to break down self-imposed standards we have bound ourselves with.

The answers to these questions are ongoing and evolving. At different stages in our lives, we are here to teach and learn different things. Nothing is set in stone. As you answer these questions, you may find that there is a blueprint that emerges that can guide you to what calls you, and as you follow that thread you start to experience more of an inner fulfillment. Going through life knowing that we are all teachers and we are all students, and we all have something to contribute, alleviates a sense of separation we often feel. That knowing can bring a solace and comfort to the basic question: "Why am I here?" It helps us create a bigger arena where we can explore the dimensions of our lives. It adds tremendous creativity in our existence and makes us welcome the unknown instead of fearing it. It also puts us in the driver's seat where we become the creator of our lives. Seeing that everything that happens in our lives, the good, the bad and the ugly, becomes part of life's tapestry. Our life's experiences are the alchemy that helps us transform and awaken to who we are. My mother used to say, "We are all born an original, and it is a challenge to stay an original in a world that tries to mold us to fit in."

I personally started my life thinking that I was here to become a successful actress. I went to a prestigious drama school and was acknowledged and validated as a very talented actress, moving on to Hollywood to do a movie. When the movie did not work out I went through a soul-searching journey only to discover years later that my calling was not to become a successful actress and perform others' scripts, but to write my own script, create my own life, and design my own set. I found my calling in a NY bus, performing for a stranger, realizing that I had to share my gift of expression unconditionally. I had restricted myself with expectations of what life should bring me until that moment.

Learning to become resourceful within myself was and is an extraordinary process, and the joy it brought me is invaluable. So often when I feel stuck about something the question I ask is, "How can I create a desirable outcome?" I return to the basics: "What do I need to overcome here?" It always leads me to taking a positive action. Sometimes it's overcoming a misconception of inadequacy, or fearing to even try in case I don't achieve the outcome I was hoping for. Overcoming that in itself creates a huge amount of space for all sorts of possibilities that you may not have even thought of to surface.

The mistake we make as human beings is how we attach ourselves and our well-being to external circumstances for validation. The irony is that some of the greatest awakenings we often have are triggered after things don't work out.

I have often heard statements such as, "Breaking up with this person and going through my divorce led me to find myself and who I really was." "Leaving the job that I thought was it, lead me to find out what I really wanted to do," etc.

I hope that these questions bring you a lightheartedness to what can be the serious quest for our life's purpose because they are meant to bring clarity. I see these questions as a compass to our center, out of which we can enjoy our lives no matter what.

The funny thing is that I am writing this blog as I am sitting with my Greek friend Stavroula, who works with me, having a glass of wine, some mozzarella and tomatoes in NY's Little Italy. I'm watching people in the summer evening walking about at a slow pace, licking ice creams, couples holding hands and kissing, children running around, men cruising and tons of people sitting on the pavement having dinner, stress-free, enjoying life in the moment. As I am witnessing these rich moments in others' lives, I can't help but think to myself that maybe the sixth and most important question is: "Are you enjoying your life, my dear?" and if the answer is no, ask yourself why not. If not now, when.

Share with us some of the answers to these questions and what you think your calling is. http://unbindingtheheart.com/

Agapi Stassinopoulos was born and raised in Athens, Greece. At age 18, she entered the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art in London and afterward became a member of the Young Vic. She moved to the U.S. to act, and later went on to earn her Master’s in Psychology from the University of Santa Monica.

While her sister, Arianna Huffington, was doing research for her book about Greek mythology, Agapi’s love for the gods and goddesses was ignited and led to two books of her own -- Conversations with the Goddesses and Gods and Goddesses in Love -- as well as a one-woman show and a PBS special.

Agapi speaks and conducts seminars worldwide empowering others to create the lives they want. She lives in Los Angeles and New York and is a frequent blogger for The Huffington Post. Her new book is titled Unbinding the Heart: A Dose of Greek Wisdom, Generosity, and Unconditional Love (Hay House). 

Website: www.unbindingtheheart.com
Agapi Stassinopoulos 
Author of 'Unbinding the Heart'

Agapi Stassinopoulos

Regarding Happiness

Anemones of Greece by Katinka Matson

Britt Reints
Author of An Amateur's Guide to the Pursuit of Happiness

5 Questions About Happiness Science Can't Answer
Posted: 08/15/2013 8:00 am

I think it's pretty cool that there are people whose job it is to study happiness using research and science experiments. However, I also think there are serious limitations to what those researchers and scientists can tell us -- me and you -- about happiness. Studies make for fascinating news articles, but there are a lot of questions in our own lives that can't be answered by science or experts.

1. How do you define happiness?

In The Happiness Myth, Jennifer Michael Hecht contends that there are three categories of happiness: a happy moment, a happy day, and a happy life. The Merriam-Webster dictionary says happiness can be "a state of well-being and contentment" or "a pleasurable or satisfying experience." Researchers usually come up with their own definition of happiness before they start studying it.

But what does that have to do with you?

Your personal definition of happiness has more to do with your values and personality than a description penned by a philosopher or author, as will the type of happiness that you decide to focus on. Maybe you're of the mind that life is short and so you should collect as many happy moments as possible, or perhaps you have a broader view of your existence and strive for an overall happy life. Personally, my goal is to balance happy moments with a larger purpose and a sense of inner peace.

No one but you -- not even a really smart researcher -- can tell you what happiness means to you.

2. What makes you happy?

Here's the thing you should know about researchers: They can't talk to everyone. Therefore, their findings are based on studying a collection of people and analyzing similarities among that group. That's all very well and good for figuring out likelihoods and averages, but it doesn't do squat to reveal your personal triggers and preferences.

Just because one study shows that marriage is more important to well-being than career doesn't mean that you will be happier getting married. Maybe you hate sharing your space with another person. Maybe you are attracted to abusive men; getting married to one of them is probably not going to give a boost to your happiness in the long run.

Happiness is personal, and your own likes and dislikes should carry more weight than anything published in a psychology journal.

3. What's getting in the way of your happiness?

I am a big advocate for gratitude practices. I think that most people could benefit from a daily habit that focuses their attention on what is going well in their lives. I even make my two kids list three things for which they are grateful every night. And while the research agrees with me, that doesn't mean that the only thing standing between you and your own definition of happiness is a gratitude practice.

I started treatment for depression in 2009. I'm convinced that a gratitude practice, no matter how religiously I stuck with it, would have been mostly useless before I started taking anti-depressants. A chemical imbalance, I'm certain, was one of the things getting in the way of my happiness. There's no population study that could have told me that.

Likewise, research that says that relationships make us happy won't reveal that your co-dependent relationship is making you unhappy, or that you're feeling anxious all the time because your day job is completely out of line with your core values.

A scan of the headlines won't tell you what's going on in your own life. Your search needs to start much closer to home.

4. What changes do you need to make to be happier?

I feel like scientists are less likely to step into this arena than advice columnists, but it's still worth mentioning that no one but you can determine what new choices you need to make to be happier. Sure, researchers and writers can guess at what you could do differently, but you're the one who has to be willing and able to make and follow through on the decisions.

For example, it might be easy for an outsider to prescribe you more volunteer hours or recommend you find ways to help out a co-worker in order to be happier. After all, helping others is supposed to make us happier. But, perhaps part of your happiness stems from feeling like your own needs aren't being meant because you're taking care of everyone at home; giving more because you think you should might just lead to growing resentment.

Just as you're the best person to determine what obstacles are preventing you from being happy, you're also most capable of figuring out which solutions are going to have the biggest impact on your life.

5. When are you happy enough?

I feel like happiness is something to constantly be pursued. Even though I consider myself happy now, I am always looking for ways to grow, to know myself better, and to deepen my relationship with myself and others. But that's me.

One of my best friends is a big fan of the idea that happiness is something to be enjoyed right now, not always chased after. She feels perfectly content in her life at the moment and sees no need to rock the boat by digging for ways to be happier.

Neither of us is necessarily wrong. We each get to choose at which point we'll feel happy enough, or if such a state even exists. In the same way, no scientist or researcher can tell you when you have had enough happiness or done enough searching. What feels right for you is right for you.

There is a lot of information out there about what might or might not make us happy. I've written a book on the subject myself. But it's important to remember that all of those insights and findings are really suggestions. They may be based on science, interviewing, or personal experience, but they can never be declared universally appropriate.

When it comes to your own happiness, the real expert is you.

NATURE

"Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul."  ~ John Muir

John Muir; 21 April 1838 – 24 December 1914[1]) was a Scottish-born American naturalist, author, and early advocate of preservation of wilderness in the United States. His letters, essays, and books telling of his adventures in nature, especially in the Sierra Nevada mountains of California, have been read by millions. His activism helped to preserve the Yosemite Valley, Sequoia National Park and other wilderness areas. The Sierra Club, which he founded, is now one of the most important conservation organizations in the United States. One of the best-known hiking trails in the U.S., the 211-mile (340 km) John Muir Trail, was named in his honor.[2] Other such places include Muir Woods National Monument, Muir Beach, John Muir College, Mount Muir, Camp Muir and Muir Glacier.

"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God.  Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be."   ~ Anne Frank

Annelies Marie "Anne" Frank (12 June 1929 - ? March 1945) (age 15) One of the most renowned and most discussed Jewish victims of the Holocaust.  Acknowledged for the quality of her writing, her diary has become one of the world's most widely read books, and has been the basis for several plays and films.

Born in the city of Frankfurt am Main in Weimar Germany, she lived most of her life in or near Aamsterdam, in the Netherlands.  By nationality, she was officially considered a German until 1941, when she lost her nationality owing to the anti-Semitic policies of Nazi Germany.  She gained international fame posthumously following the publication of her diary which documents her experiences hiding during the German occupation of the Netherlands in World War II.

How does a dog see the world?

mother nature network

SATURDAY, AUGUST 10, 2013  

How does a dog see the world?

Houndsight isn't 20/20
Not much gets past a dog's nose, but what about those eyes? What do dogs see when they gaze soulfully up at people or ogle birds and squirrels?

Dogs see in color, despite an old misconception, but their world still doesn't look quite like ours. While human eyes contain three kinds of color-sensing "cone" cells, dogs have just two, leaving them oblivious to red. Their lower visual acuity also makes everything look blurrier.

We may never know what it's like to be a dog — especially without their noses — but search engine Wolfram Alpha helps us guess, offering a dog vision tool that edits photos to mimic canine eyesight. Here are a few examples, republished with permission, in hopes of shedding a little light on man's best friend. (Text: Russell McLendon)

Flowers

To be fair, dogs know more about flowers than this. We often assume other animals share our emphasis on sight, but images can only scratch the surface of a dog's scent-centric existence.


Still, we know they lack the ocular equipment to see red. Dogs may see a bit like people with red-green colorblindness — albeit blurrier, since they have four to eight times less visual acuity than humans. That's roughly 20/75 vision, meaning dogs lose sight of patterns at 20 feet away that most humans could see at 75 feet.

Other dogs

Since dogs can't see red, scientists used to think they use luster more than color as a visual cue. But a recent study disputes that idea, finding color is "more informative than brightness" for a dog comparing two objects that differ in both.

Fur color might therefore help dogs recognize each other from a distance, along with related signals like body size and shape. This chow's reddish coat may seem green to other dogs, but that skewed hue could still help them distinguish it from a Swedish Lapphund down the street — at least until they get close enough for a proper sniff-down.

Humans

Canine communication is big on folded ears, tucked tails and other body language, but pet dogs are also careful students of the human face. Not only can a dog identify its owner's face in a crowd, but it can even tell when a stranger is smiling.

Since President Obama is widely recognizable, our view of this modified image may resemble how dogs see a familiar human face. It's much blurrier than what we see, but that basic amount of visual information still sparks welcome-home frenzies from dogs around the world every day.

Squirrels

Despite their color and acuity issues, dogs are uncanny motion detectors.  A stationary squirrel may blend into the background, but any sudden moves could alert dogs as far as half a mile away.

Canine retinas are packed with light-sensitive "rod" cells, helping them detect slight motion in daylight or darkness. A 1936 study on police dogs found some could identify moving objects from 2,900 feet away, but their range fell to 1,900 feet when the same objects were motionless.

Bacon

Bacon smells great to us, but imagine how it must smell to dogs, who have about 50 times more olfactory receptors, helping make their sense of smell up to 100,000 times stronger. They can also hear it sizzling from four times farther away.

We may end up enjoying it more, though: Not only does bacon look green and blurry to dogs, but they have one-sixth our number of taste buds.