Some Thoughts About Marriage...

Morning Sun by Bob Timberlake

Marital Arts

As of last Monday I've now been married for more years than I was unmarried. And to the same woman, no less. My first (and only) wife is a constant source of amusement, irritation & inspiration. (She's the one who added the "and only" above and edited out "irritation" which I've just put back at my own peril—but I have some amber earrings standing by just in case.) I thought I'd share some of the wisdom I've gained, borrowed or fallen into during my many years of marriage. MY ADVICE TO MEN: A few years after I was married I went to my friend Kirby's wedding. Before the ceremony I told him my secret to a successful marriage:

1)

"Your wife is always right." Years later his wife, Bev, thanked me for giving him that advice—advice which, by that time, I'd forgotten. It's true, though—wives are always right. Even when they're wrong. Men who want a long marriage to a happy wife have to just get over the idea that they might sometimes be right. It may happen once every ten years but you can't make a big deal about it without creating a situation that will eventually require jewelry.

If you think you can be married without this happening to you, then you don't know the female brain. In my experience, women have a frighteningly acute sense of memory, or, failing that, imagination. Everything you say can and will be held against you.

A man might think, "I couldn't have checked the spare tire in the trunk because you'd bought that antique anvil coffee-table and had it put on top of the spare," but a woman will come back with, "Yes, but three years ago, right after I got a perm, you came home with the wrong kind of milk which caused..." and somehow, magically, through a process too convoluted for the male brain to comprehend she will have created a logical-sounding path from then to now that points the finger squarely at you.

Men cannot argue with this. Women can clearly remember all the way back to when you first met—what they were wearing and how much they weighed. Men cannot remember what they had for lunch. So don't fight it, and don't take it personally. This is the best possible advice, which someday I'll follow myself.

2)

Another important lesson I've learned over the years—women need jewelry. No, it's not a sexist remark. Every race of people since the dawn of time found the time to make jewelry (and usually makeup, too). In the past, males needed it, too. Young men today seem to be realizing this, though I don't think it's necessary for jewelry to go through a person's sensitive parts, but that's another story. Just remember that jewelry is a primal need that must be respected and fulfilled.

I have a few personal theories about the wedding, too. The catchiest: "The bigger the wedding the shorter the marriage." While I'm sure there are people out there who had huge weddings and lived to tell about it, in my experience this isn't the case. Charles and Di. Enough said.

My wife and I? We eloped, but only after sending out a few select invitations so that we actually knew everyone at the ceremony. I don't want impressionable young minds to read this and get ideas, but it worked exceptionally well. A wedding is just a few hours. A marriage should last longer.

MY ADVICE TO WOMEN:

This is strictly from the husband's point of view, a point which my wife once said was irrelevant (though she denies it and my memory is either bad, or she's made me believe it's bad because it was in her best interest, either way, the results are the same, my memories are negotiable).

3)

BE NICE. THAT'S ALL ANY MAN REALLY WANTS. This is the key to getting as well as keeping a man. Remember, we men are simple creatures. Yes, food and sex are good, but we need nice.

4)

Don't go to sleep mad. In our many years of marriage we've never gone to sleep mad. We have, however, had to stay up until 8 a.m.

MY WIFE'S ADVICE:

"Get 'em young, they're easier to train." (I am living proof of that. If I told you how many years we've been married then I'd have to say we were wed as embryos).

"Retain your sense of mystery." I wish I could explain this in more details, but frankly, it's still a mystery to me.

"Fatten him up so no one else wants him." If I am any indication, this is remarkably easy to do.

This one is so secret she wouldn't tell me.

"Decide if you'd rather be happy or right." Yes, she actually said this. I guess in her case "both" was an option.

Don't argue when you're hungry—eat first. (This is very true, and perhaps cunningly related to #3.)

Men take everything as a criticism, even if you're just asking them what time it is. Remember that men are pathetically fragile—that's why women have the babies. (You know I couldn't have made that up.)

"I'm not giving away any more valuable advice for free."

She's right—again.

Daniel Will-Harris

Daily Survival Kit for Serious Illness

Daily Survival Kit for Serious Illness was written by Thomas L. McDermitt, A long-time cancer patient and skeptic.

(You don't have to agree with all of this all of the time. But if it generally speaks to you, try to read all or parts of it every day, or have it read to you. Part of the help is in the doing, regardless of your attitude or emotions on that day. On some levels the help is gradual and often not evident.)

Today I am going to try to live through this day only, and not dwell on or attempt to solve all my problems at once; just focus on the piece that is today. I can do something for several hours that would be difficult to even think about continuing for several months.

Just for today, I am willing to accept the possibility that there is a purpose to this suffering; that it can be a source of meaning and growth for myself and others, though I may not always recognize the ways. And it seems possible that this suffering will not be in vain, because of what may be some kind of existence beyond.

Just for today, let me remind myself that I am basically a worthwhile person, worth loving, despite my faults and limits. I deserve the efforts of others to help me through my illness.

Just for today, I want to be aware that it is all right to want too much from others at times. Illness brings out and intensifies the small child in all of us. And if I feel hurt when those who care for me cannot be there, it may help to remember that they have needs, frailties, and limitations of their own. A lack of response does not mean that they are personally rejecting me.

Today I may feel the need to complain a great deal; I may have little tolerance; I may cry; I may scream. That does not mean that I am less courageous or strong. All are ways of expressing anger over this mess, of rightly mourning my losses. Endurance itself is courage.

It is my life at stake now. So maybe today I can allow myself to be a little less concerned about the reactions or impressions of others. Maybe I can allow myself to feel a little less guilty or bad about what I did not accomplish or give. Perhaps today I can be a little more gentle toward myself.

Surviving this is all so difficult. At times it seems impossible - that I have had enough. Down the line I will know if and when I have had enough, when I cannot push the limits any further. I will have the right to choose to stop, without feeling that I am "giving up." But today I think I can deal with this illness. Sorrow runs very deep, but I think I can rise again.

Just for today,maybe I can give healing "the benefit of the doubt." The drugs are powerful; the natural healing capacity of my body is powerful. And who knows, perhaps there is healing power in my will to struggle, and in the collective love and will of others.

Just for today, perhaps I can take heart that we are all connected. And I may still have some things left to contribute to the family of man; some light to add to the light. Even now my endurance (however imperfect) is a gift, an inspiration for others in their struggles.

It seems reasonable that there is a season for everything, and a time for every purpose. Pain, weakness and exhaustion may distort my senses and spirit. Today, however, I can at least find some hope in nature's way, if not in some master plan. The chances are fairly good, and it seems worthwhile to hope that I will have some cycle of wellness yet.

Out of the generosity and kindness of one individual, the thoughts and writing of Thomas L. McDermitt are being offered, by request and free of charge, as a portable card. Please write to: dskfsi@yahoo.com . Remember to include your name, mailing address, and the number of cards you are requesting.

The following is so worth reading if you have cancer or know of someone who does. It is an all inspiring piece about Thomas L McDermitt written by someone very special and close to him.

Hello, my name is Hope Raymond and I would like to thank you for your interest in the Tom McDermitt Fund. He and I met in August of 1995 while visiting a mutual friend in the hospital. Six months passed until we re-met and spent the next eight years together.

Tom was a long time cancer survivor, and during the last year of his life, he was deeply involved in the work of Gilda’s Club Delaware Valley. He facilitated the prostate/bladder and blood cancer support groups and facilitated other groups when needed. He loved the Saturday Men’s Breakfast and immersed himself in outreach and educational efforts at the clubhouse. His fund pays the salary of the facilitator of the two support groups mentioned, and it financially supports the Saturday men’s breakfast, “For Men Only” (a new discussion group for men started in 2011), and other activities offered at Gilda’s Club.

It is my privilege to offer you a glimpse into Tom’s life. He grew up in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania and was one of four children of Anna and Leo McDermitt. After graduation from Villanova, he worked as a social worker at Children’s Protective Services in Philadelphia. He later worked at Carson Valley School, a residential and non-residential facility for at-risk youth, where he became the Director for Clinical Services. At age 35 he was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins B-cell lymphoma. He had four recurrences, received 11 different rounds of chemotherapy, 2 rounds of radiation, and finally 2 courses of Bexxar. The second round of Bexxar gave him a seven year hiatus from his primary cancer. In October of 2003, he was diagnosed with one type of myeloid dysplastic syndrome, a precursor to leukemia. He also dealt with bladder cancer as well as other long term effects of his treatments. He propelled himself through each disease, its illness, and his wellness.

Tom was deeply loved by his family, friends, and many persons he met along his “path” (as he called it). Cancer takes away a lot of a person, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Tom, through his example, taught that while one’s dignity may be assaulted, it can not be taken unless surrendered. For many, he brought an added understanding of suffering, passion, perseverance, respect, love, loyalty, hope, vulnerability, and the importance of asking for and accepting support. For the last ten years of his life, he offered counseling to individuals and couples. If you could not come to him, he came to you.

He was a frequent presenter at local and non-local workshops; a participant on various cancer panel discussions; and developed in-service programs in the cancer community. He spoke before the FDA and a Congressional panel which led to Bexxar being accepted as first-line treatment for non-Hodgkins lymphoma.

Lastly, Tom inspired and was inspired. He encouraged and was encouraged. He died in May of 2004 surrounded by his family and his family of friends.

His fund is a means to continue what was a life force for him, giving back. His card, “Daily Survival Kit for Serious Illness,” was written over a year’s time and was supported by Mrs. Jean Meyers and the James Meyers cancer support group. He was an original member of the Meyers group and was the group facilitator during the last five years of his life. The card was hugely important to Tom. It offers quiet support, encouragement, acceptance and understanding. The size of this card (3 and 5/8 inches by 6 and 11/16 inches) makes it easy to display and distribute.

The card is available on this website and on other cancer-related and non-cancer web sites. Also, GlaxoSmithKline bought the copyright to the card and supports its royalty- free reproduction to anyone who would benefit. If you would like to receive printed cards, we are happy to send you as many as you would like, as often as you would like, at absolutely no cost (even shipping and handling is covered). To arrange to receive the cards, please contact me.

Thank you LARGELY and respectfully for your interest in the Tom McDermitt Fund. - Hope

If you are interested in supporting the Tom McDermitt Fund’s efforts, Gilda’s Club is happy to accept donations to the fund either through our website or via check. Please make checks payable to “Gilda’s Club Delaware Valley” (with “the Tom McDermitt Fund” on the memo line) and mail to 200 Kirk Road, Warminster, PA 18974. To donate through our website, please fill out the online form, select the button marked “In Memory of,” and then enter Tom McDermitt in the field below. Thank you so very much for your support!

Instructions For Life

Spirtual Love of Nature by Lucy Dickens

Words of the Dalai Lama

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three R’s: Respect for self Respect for others Responsibility for all your actions

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don’t let a little dispute ruin a great relationship.

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone everyday.

9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life, then, when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation of your life.

13. In disagreement with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge, it is a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the Earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace that you’ve never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Gratitude vs. Negativism



Sometimes caregiving can be overwhelming, painful or depressing: No matter what treatment is tried your loved one gets worse. Your family doesn’t help as you need them to do. Financial, legal or insurance concerns weigh on your mind. Balancing your overload of responsibilities becomes impossible. Your health, energy or peace-of-mind gives out. Some significant problems are beyond your control.

In the face of crushing concerns like these it’s difficult to stay positive. Pessimistic thoughts and feelings emerge; you say or do negative things and find they only make matters worse. Life looks bleak and problems seem insurmountable. How can you avoid the trap of negativity when caregiving presents daunting challenges?

Choose optimism

Say “No” to negativity by saying “Yes” to optimism. Optimism and pessimism are ways to look at the world and are active thought patterns that become habits. Regardless of the situation, a pessimist sees the glass is half empty, or worse: Good events in life are flukes and unlikely to happen again. Good outcomes are brought about by others, or by factors beyond control. To an optimist that same glass is at least half full: I have goodness throughout my life and more of the same is inevitable. It is the result of my own actions and talents. Optimistic and pessimistic thoughts determine how you respond to life, who you become and how others respond to you. If you choose, these patterns can be changed.

If you adopt an optimistic outlook, you are likely to experience positive benefits like:

1) Strength to handle adversity: Optimists have the capacity to persevere and adapt in times of trouble.

2) Decreased stress: Positive thinking leads to a positive frame of mind, more success, and less stress.

3) Good physical and emotional health: Optimism is linked to positive mood and good morale in all areas of life. Optimists live longer, healthier lives...aging well, and experiencing fewer physical ills.

4) Successful relationships: People respond positively to optimists. Their view of the world is contagious and can positively influence those around them. Pay attention to your thoughts.

All change starts with a choice and new action. Pessimistic patterns remain in place until you choose to replace them with positive ones. Challenge negative thoughts and substitute positive ones. Swap the unconstructive, “This is the awful! I can’t deal with this!” for a more empowering, “This may not be good but I can handle this.” When something positive happens, stop and think more encouraging thoughts, like “Alright! Well done! Keep it up!” The more you challenge negative thinking and reinforce your positive thoughts, the more automatic optimism will become.

Avoid negativism around you.

Emotions are contagious. Take a break from violent images, depressing stories, and cynicism. Avoid people who complain, criticize or undermine your confidence. Seek out situations and people that create positive energy for you.

Practice gratitude

Gratitude is an appreciative feeling about life, a sense of thankfulness and wonder. No matter how bleak, there are always good things in life; giving thanks for these is the root of peace and joy. In The How of Happiness, psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky tells us that expressions of gratitude are linked to mental and physical health benefits like: feeling more happiness, energy, hopefulness and positive emotions. Those who are grateful are also less likely to be depressed, anxious, lonely, envious or neurotic.

You already know how to practice gratitude; remember what your elders taught you. Call, send a note or email when someone has given you a gift or done something nice for you. Every day, in a small notebook, list 3 things for which you are grateful: the sunset, a phone call, delicious fruit, or the love of family. Before falling asleep or each morning, count your blessings. When a group’s conversation turns to complaining, refocus and ask, “Is there anything we are grateful for?” Small acts make a big difference when they become a regular part of your life. Check-out Living Life as a Thank You, by Nina Lesowitz and Mary Beth Sammons Practice for many more ideas. Finally, go to “Word for the Day” at www.gratefulness.org and sign-up to have inspiring quotes about gratitude sent daily to your email inbox.

Sometimes caregiving can be overwhelming, painful or depressing. Choose optimism to preserve your resilience, good health and capacity to care.

Written by Jane Meier

* “Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.”Willie Nelson

Take Time to Talk and Make the Time to Listen

Picture by Peter Walton

The Importance of Communication by Alan Smith

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.”

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

Communication — such a vital part of keeping marriages healthy! Show me a married couple having problems and I’ll show you a couple that’s having difficulty communicating. The greatest of problems can be solved with good communication. Even the smallest of problems can be insurmountable without it!

Remember when you were dating? You spent a lot of time talking to each other. You could spend hours on the phone at a time, sharing your opinions and your preferences, or just talking about what’s going on. But then you get married, you get to know each other, and you tend to quit talking, and even worse, you tend to quit listening.

Strong families communicate often. They talk about anything and everything. They also listen to each other. If a member of the family isn’t communicating, they find out why. “What’s the problem? Let’s talk it out, let’s solve the difficulty.”

Be willing to talk. Be willing to listen. And, perhaps most importantly, make time for both. In our hectic world where everybody is running in different directions all at the same time, we need to make time to be with each other and communicate.

Don't Let Anger Destroy Your Health

July by Bob Timberlake

What’s Really Happening When People Are Angry?

Written by Lauren ZanderHandel

Angry people are exhausting to be around, always carping about some offense and glowering about what someone else did or did not do. For the angry person, life itself is exhausting, zapping his/her energy and, as many studies have shown, triggering health problems from headaches to heart attacks. But it is hard for angry people to get out from under their wrath because they are caught in a self-perpetuating trap, according to Lauren Zander and Meredith Haberfeld, principals of the personal coaching firm Handel Group Private Coaching (www.handelgroup.com). Fortunately, though, with effort and guidance, it is possible to free yourself of the burdens of an angry life so you can enjoy life more, enjoy your loved ones more and be far healthier.

ANGER HAS ITS PLACE

Not all anger is bad, of course. Lauren points out that it is an appropriate response to a number of situations, including being lied to or otherwise betrayed, and in those times it would be unhealthful not to feel your anger and give it a voice. Verbalizing the emotion and working it through is how you relieve the physical and mental stress anger creates. It also provides the opportunity to resolve the problem with the other person and move past being angry. Unhealthful anger, conversely, results when people flip out automatically as a reaction, or the extent of the anger is out of proportion to what happened. They hold on to grudges, rage at "stupid" drivers and sputter at heavy traffic -- even at silly mistakes of their own. Being angry is what they do because it's the only way they know how to react in a situation, so they do it a lot.

BEHIND ANGER

Being in a regular state of frustration, rage or anger is something angry people have learned... if not at their mother's knee, then at their father's -- or perhaps both, says Lauren. In their childhood home, being angry was an accepted way of behaving... the mother who got cold and shut down anytime she was upset about even trivial matters... the father who hollered and slammed doors when something didn't go his way. Seeing so much anger acted out without any attempt to curtail or change the behavior creates the belief in the child that there is nothing wrong with acting this way. (This is, of course, in sharp contrast to the people who grow up in families that do not display anger -- even when they feel it -- and consequently are reluctant to show anger even when provoked and instead unhealthfully drive it underground.) But there is more to the mix than just learned behavior, Lauren continues.

Angry people want to be in control, be it of their life, their environment or other people. When they can't control something, they get frustrated -- and they get mad. They justify their fury by rationalizing that they know the "right" way something should or shouldn't be done. This position, then, gives them the "right" to be angry when that something doesn't go as they wanted it to. Sometimes the angry person is indeed right -- other drivers can be stupid, traffic often is a nightmare, war is bad. But anger alone does not resolve problems. For example, getting mad at your hair turning gray will not make it go back to the color of your youth.

YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR ANGER

Angry people are usually stuck being angry because they are so busy focusing on why they are right instead of moving past it. Underneath, deep inside, they often know that they are, in fact, out of control and that people shy away from them, reluctant to be around their explosive nature. While angry people initially cling to the idea, "That's just the way I am," it is certainly possible to overcome chronic anger, says Lauren. The first step is to recognize that you are angry and that you hold on to your displays of it much as a toddler does his temper tantrums. A very powerful exercise is to look at the way you're behaving and notice how childlike the angry behavior is and how foolish you must appear. Then ask yourself what you get from behaving in the same bratty manner as a young child. Like a tantrum, it is probably also an expression of frustration, but when frustration builds in small children, they don't have a selection of ways to display it. As an adult, you do.

The next step is to investigate how you witnessed anger in your childhood where you learned it. Meredith points out that most people are reluctant to believe they are like their parents, but it's through parents that we all learn how to conduct ourselves in our lives. Your particular way of showing anger may differ slightly, but in essence the pattern is no doubt the same. Once you've recognized that, start to think through what your parents' anger actually achieved or changed. Did being mad benefit their family or them personally? Or did it, in fact, get in the way? Having evaluated that part of your past prepares you for the next step, which is to observe -- and change -- your own ways of acting out anger. Here's how...

For a week or two, make a list of your anger triggers. Write down everything that makes you sooo mad -- no matter how big or small. And, keep in mind, you don't have to yell to be feeling and displaying anger.

Review your completed list to evaluate your particular triggers. You will discover they are amazingly predictable -- variations on the same four or five things again and again.

Pick out one trigger area and come up with new ways to handle it.

This should include ways you can change the situation so that it no longer upsets you and how you can change the way you respond. For example, say heavy traffic on your commute makes you crazy. You can't change traffic, of course, but you can leave earlier or later so that you miss the rush. If that's not possible, change your response by finding something calming and enjoyable, such as listening to books on tape as you drive. It's critical to expect the fact that traffic is going to be bad. By doing this, your expectations of good traffic won't be overestimated so you won't be frustrated. If you change your expectations of a situation, you reduce your risk of frustration and, in turn, anger. Also, look at what you can do to shift a situation. For example, say you complain that your spouse isn't meeting your needs. Can you change that by making more effort to communicate clearly what your needs are? In addition to these nuts-and-bolts steps, add fuel to change by doing this -- picture yourself as a person who is not angry. Visualize how you would behave and actually put words to your description. It might even help to think about someone you know who is not an angry person and how they react in situations. This will help you have a role model for the behavior and may give you a feeling of what it's like when someone reacts without anger. Lauren warns that it may be hard at first to visualize a world without anger, but push on, and decide what you would be like and how you would act and the difference that would make in your relationship with those closest to you. Now you are ready to rechannel that ferocious amount of energy you had been putting into being mad into a more peaceful and productive daily experience. You'll realize that instead of getting mad, you've stepped up to the plate to help make a difference in your world.

Sources Lauren Zander, principal of the personal coaching firm Handel Group Private Coaching (www.handelgroup.com).

Special from Bottom Line's Daily Health News

How to Succeed in Life...

Napa Valley, by Howard Behrens

...from Peter Drucker--the Man Who Taught the World How to Succeed in Business written by, Bruce Rosenstein, MSLS in a Special Report from Bottom Line/Personal April 15, 2011

Peter Drucker is known as the "father of modern management." His business writings remain widely read and highly influential six years after his death at age 95. Yet even Drucker’s disciples might not realize that the famed guru was an expert in life management as well as business management. What can we learn about succeeding in life from the man who taught the world so much about succeeding in business? Bottom Line/Personal asked Bruce Rosenstein, author of Living in More Than One World: How Peter Drucker’s Wisdom Can Inspire and Transform Your Life, to identify three of Drucker’s core life strategies...

Strategy 1: Live in more than one world Most people assume that the best way to achieve success in any one area is to devote themselves completely to that area. Devote all of your energies to your career... your family... or your favorite cause... and the odds of a positive outcome in that area seem certain. Drucker strongly cautioned against such single-minded focus. He recommended that everyone find at least one interest outside his/her primary area, then expand that secondary pursuit into more than just a hobby. Example: Drucker devoted considerable time to the study of Japanese art. He even taught college courses on the subject. Drucker noted that people who have just one goal or one passion tend to wind up unhappy for several reasons...

If you have just one interest, your circle of friends and allies is likely to be very limited. That’s unfortunate, because having lots of friends is highly correlated with happiness... and having lots of allies means more open doors, increasing your odds of success.

Having only one goal leaves no fallback position should you be dealt a setback. Example: Devote yourself completely to a political cause, and you will feel crushed if the vote goes against you.

People with multiple interests tend to spend less time ruminating over mistakes and missed chances. Obsessing over failures only reduces the odds of future success. A single-minded person tends to feel like a failure unless he/she is 100% successful in his focus area -- and total success is rare. Example: Anything short of reaching a desired spot in a company can feel like failure to someone who has devoted his life entirely to his career.

Outside interests provide unique viewpoints, which can increase the odds of success in one’s area of primary interest. Example: Drucker found that studying Japanese art gave him insight into Japanese culture, which helped him find perspective on -- and gain influence in -- the Japanese business community.

Strategy 2: Choose a nonfinancial primary goal Peter Drucker observed that most of the people he knew whose life goal was to make lots of money did, in fact, make lots of money. But Drucker also saw that despite their wealth, most of these people were miserable. Drucker was not opposed to wealth. He simply believed that there never is a true sense of satisfaction when wealth is the main motivator of achievement. Set out to earn $1 million, and you probably won’t feel successful when you do it -- you’ll decide you need even more money... or wonder why money doesn’t make you feel fulfilled. Drucker thought a better goal was to leave something of value behind when you’re gone. You could leave behind...

A happy, loving family that will continue to be happy thanks to your positive example. A history of treating everyone you meet with respect, encouraging them to treat others with respect, too. A profitable company that will continue to provide employment and products or services after you retire. If you’re not certain what you can leave, spend some time teaching, mentoring or volunteering with a charity. These are among the surest ways to feel you have created a worthwhile legacy. Added benefits: Teachers and mentors tend to improve their own mastery of the material... while volunteers benefit from a halo effect -- others view them more positively because of their public service, increasing the volunteer’s odds of success in all aspects of life.

Strategy 3: Know and develop your core competencies In 1990, a pair of management experts named C.K. Prahalad and Gary Hamel coined the phrase "core competencies." The crux of their idea was that a company should focus on the things that it does better than its competitors. This philosophy has been widely adopted in the business world. What few realize is that Drucker advanced a similar idea more than a quarter century earlier, only he called it "strengths analysis." This strategy works just as well for individuals as for companies. Three ways to put strengths analysis to work in your life...

Abandon whatever isn’t working. Regularly question your habits, your hobbies, your relationships, your projects and your time commitments. For each, ask, Would I start this again today knowing what I know now? If the answer is no, end it or at least scale it back -- your time is better spent elsewhere. Drucker disagreed with the saying "If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again." He advised, "If at first you don’t succeed, try once more, and then try something else." Example: Drucker published two novels. Neither succeeded, so he never wrote fiction again.

Engage in ongoing self-reflection. Consider what you expected to happen in the past year... what actually happened... and if those two answers differed, why they differed. This analysis could point you toward areas where your abilities are greater than you realize -- or away from areas where your abilities are less than you think.

Focus forward. People get too caught up in day-to-day tasks and activities. They don’t spend enough time focusing on future opportunities and how to make those opportunities happen. Our future is more important than the distractions and errands that absorb much of our time in the present. Do not treat the future as a low priority just because it has not yet arrived.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bottom Line/Personal interviewed Bruce Rosenstein, MSLS, a lecturer at The Catholic University of America, Washington, DC, and former librarian, researcher and writer for USA Today. He interviewed Peter Drucker extensively for USA Today prior to Drucker’s death in 2005 and is author of Living in More Than One World: How Peter Drucker’s Wisdom Can Inspire and Transform Your Life (Berrett-Koehler). www.BruceRosenstein.com

Take Heed! Lessons your pet can teach you.

Forget Multitasking

When dogs have a job to do, they give it their undivided attention. It turns out people should probably do the same. Stanford researchers found that attention and memory suffer in those who juggle work, email, and web-surfing, compared to those who focus on one task at a time. Other studies suggest employees actually lost time when multitasking.

Take Naps

You won't catch your pet going from dawn to dusk without any shut-eye. There's good evidence humans can benefit from catnaps, too. A study involving about 24,000 people indicates regular nappers are 37% less likely to die from heart disease than people who nap only occasionally. Short naps can also enhance alertness and job performance.

Walk Every Day

Whether you've got four legs or two, walking is one of the safest, easiest ways to burn calories and boost heart health. Taking regular walks can also help you:

* Fight depression.

* Lose weight.

* Lower your risk for type 2 diabetes.

* Lower the risk of breast and colon cancer.

* Keep your bones strong.* Keep your mind sharp.

Cultivate Friendships

People are social animals, and friendships have measurable health benefits. Researchers in Australia followed 1,5000 older people for 10 years. Those with the most friends were 22% less likely to die than those with the fewest friends.

Live in the Moment

Living in the moment may be one of the most important lessons we can learn from our pets. In a study called "A Wandering Mind Is an Unhappy Mind," Harvard psychologist conclude that people are happiest when doing activities that keep the mind focused, such as sex or exercise. Planning, reminiscing, or thinking about anything other than the current activity can undermine happiness.

Don't Hold a Grudge

Part of living in the moment is letting bygones be bygones. Let go of old grudges, and you'll literally breathe easier. Chronic anger has been linked to a decline in lung function, while forgiveness contributes to lower blood pressure and reduced anxiety. People who forgive also tend to have higher self-esteem.

Wag

OK, so maybe you don't have a tail. But you can smile or put a spring in your step when you're feeling grateful. Researchers have found a strong connection between gratitude and general well-being. In one study, people who kept gratitude journals had better attitudes, exercised more, and had fewer physical complaints.

Maintain Curiosity

According to a popular saying, curiosity may be hazardous to a cat's health. But not so for humans. Researchers have found that people who are more curious tend to have a greater sense of meaning in life. Other studies have linked curiosity to psychological well-being and the expansion of knowledge and skills.

Be Silly

Indulging in a little silliness may have serious health benefits. Cardiologists at the University of Maryland Medical Center found a stronger sense of humor in people with healthy hearts than in those who had suffered a heart attack. They concluded that "laughter is the best medicine" -- especially when it comes to protecting your heart.

Get a Back Rub

The power of touch is nothing to sniff at. The Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine has found massage therapy can ease pain, give the immune system a boost, and help manage chronic conditions like asthma and diabetes. The touch of a loved one may be even more powerful. In one study, married women experienced less anxiety over the threat of an electric shock when they held their husbands' hands.

Drink Water When You're Thirsty

Dogs don't lap up sports drinks when they've been playing hard -- and most people don't need to either. During a typical workout, drinking water is the best way to stay hydrated. Water gives your muscles and tissues critical fluid without adding to your calorie count. Be sure to drink more than usual on hot days or when you're sweating a lot.

Eat Fish

Most cats would trade kibble for a can of tuna any day. Luckily, you can choose to make fish a regular part of your diet. Salmon, tuna, trout, and other fatty fish are high in omega-3 fatty acids, which may reduce the risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, and arthritis. In addition, Rush University researchers found that people who eat fish at least once a week are 60% less likely to develop Alzeimer's disease.

If You Love Someone, Show It

Dogs don't play hard to get -- when they love you, they show you. It's a good approach for people seeking to strengthen their relationships. A study published in the journal Personal Relationships suggests small, thoughtful gestures can have a big impact on how connected and satisfied couples feel.

Play

Goofing off is not just for kids and kittens. In his book, Play, Stuart Brown, MD, writes that playing is a basic human need along with sleeping and eating. Play enhances intelligence, creativity, problem-solving, and social skills. So take a cue from your pet and devote yourself to an activity that has no purpose other than sheer fun.

Enjoy the Great Outdoors

A hike in the woods may be a dog's idea of bliss, but it has plenty of benefits for the human mind and body as well. Spending time outdoors can enhance fitness, increase vitamin D levels, and reduce stress. In children, playing in natural settings has also been linked to better distance vision, fewer ADHD symptoms, and better performance in school.

Make Time to Groom

Aside from the obvious health benefits of bathing and brushing you teeth, grooming can have a number of positive effects on your life. Good personal hygiene is vital to self-esteem. A tidy appearance can also help you get and maintain a job.

Be Aware of Body Language

Dogs are excellent at reading each other's intent from body language. Humans, not so much. While most of us do reveal our emotions through posture, speech patterns, and eye contact, other people generally aren't very good at reading those cues. People get better at decoding body language as they get older.

Stretch Often

Stretching will keep you limber, but the benefits don't stop there. In a 10-week study, volunteers who did no exercise other than stretching experienced surprising physical changes. Besides improving flexibility, they increased their muscle strength, power, and endurance. Although the study was a small one, the results suggest stretching may be a good alternative for people who have a condition that rules out traditional strength-training.

Seek Out Shade

When you're at the park, and your pooch is ready for a break, she'll probably find a nice shady spot to relax. Dermatologists recommend you follow suit, especially between the hours of 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. That's when you would soak up the most UV rays, particularly during late spring and early summer. While you're sheltered in the shade, it's a good idea to use a broad-spectrum sunscreen on exposed skin.

Stick to a Schedule

Pets like the consistency of a routine - they can't tell a Saturday from a Monday. The same goes for the human body clock. People sleep better if they go to bed and get up at the same time every day, even on weekends. Sticking to a consistent schedule for bathing, dressing, and eating can also improve the quality of sleep.

30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She's 30

Bunchberry Flower and Ferns by Melissa Farlow

By the time a woman is 30...

30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She's 30

This 1997 Glamour article has become a popular web chain letter, usually titled “Maya Angelou’s Best Poem Ever.”

Glamour contributor Pamela Redmond Satran is flattered, but she wrote the list, updating it in 2005.

Pamela Redmond Satran

In May of 1997, I wrote this list. I had passed my thirtieth birthday and wanted to tell younger women about the things I really wished I’d had and known by that important milestone. I guess people agreed with what I had to say, because a few years later the list showed up in my e-mail inbox; a friend had forwarded it to me for my reading pleasure, completely unaware that I was the author. After that, every month or two someone would send it to me and I’d immediately hit “reply all” and type, “Hey, that was me! I wrote that for Glamour.” (After a while, I don’t think anyone believed me.) The list became a phenomenon; posted on hundreds of websites, it was attributed to everyone from Jesse Jackson to Maya Angelou to Hillary Clinton. Someone even published it as an anonymously written book. As I read over these lines now, so many of them still seem worth having and knowing—whether you’re 30 or 22 or 75. Being a little older and a little wiser, I’ve plugged in a few new “shoulds.” By all means, add some of your own.

By 30, you should have:

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.

5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.

8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.

9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.

13. The belief that you deserve it.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.

By 30, you should know:

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.

2. How you feel about having kids.

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

4. When to try harder and when to walk away.

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.

6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.

7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.

8. How to take control of your own birthday.

9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.

11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.

13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.

14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.

15. Why they say life begins at 30.

How to Be Irresistible at Any Age



* Editors' Note: This is a guest post from Christopher Foster of The Happy Seeker.

Many years ago, when I was a young fellow of 23, I said goodbye to my native England and journeyed to British Columbia. My heart said I would find meaning and freedom in that big, wild country. About a year after arriving in BC my entire life changed in an instant one summer afternoon. A friend had arranged for me to meet a British lord named Martin Cecil. He was a member of a famous British family, a well-known B.C. cattleman and also leader of a spiritual community in the interior B.C.I had a good job as a reporter in Victoria, B.C., but wanted to learn more about this community. I had a strong feeling that I would know, as soon as I met Martin Cecil, if I could trust him — and if the community was the right thing for me.No sooner did he get out of his chair and walk toward me than I knew instinctively that I could trust him – and wanted to join the community. He was irresistible. He didn’t have to say a word. I felt the peace of his presence. I felt his integrity in his smile and in his clear blue eyes. I felt the strength, love, wisdom and utter dependability of his character and the truth is I was part of the community he founded in the Cariboo country of BC for 36 years.

Do you want to be irresistible? It’s quite simple. All you have to do is to be true to your own true character, and express that character in living. But how do we do that? How do we access the gold of love and truth that is buried deep in every one of us? And what is it anyway, this authentic character that is our true wealth and the greatest gift, really, that we have to give to our world?

Here are some ways to express true character.

1. Learn from nature. If you want to be irresistible, what better place to start than studying nature? Nature doesn’t seem to find it hard to be irresistible. Whether nature is being a daffodil, a tree, a hurricane, or the roar in a lion’s throat, it simply IS irresistible. One of the things I love most about nature is its patience. Consider, for example, how a young tree grows. It takes its time. It doesn’t just try to push itself out of the ground by brute force, it spirals its way out of the ground – gently, but very persistently. I can say, after 79 years of living on this planet, that quaint though it may sound, this approach really works. It can get you through a lot of difficult situations, too.

2. Be still. “Silence,” says an ancient Native Indian tradition “is the cornerstone of true character.” We live in a culture that is very oriented to doing and achieving. Nothing wrong with that, of course. But if we want to deepen our connection with our own being, with our own true character, we must take some time every now and again to simply be still.“Be still, and know that I am God,” said the Psalmist, and the words are the compass of my life. The interesting thing is that sometimes, a few moments consciously “not doing” can actually increase our creativity and productivity no end. It can also help us in connecting more deeply with our own inner wisdom. History is full of tales of famous people who had their “breakthrough” moments when, strangely enough, they weren’t doing anything. In fact they may have given up on their project altogether.

3. Be persistent.I recently created a course on the theme of “happy aging” that I’m offering at my blog on May 23 entitled “How to look (and feel) 10 years younger: The true promise and potential of aging.” I share my own experience that aging is nothing to fear, but can be a door to true meaning and happiness at any age. And I share how though our physical form ages, our unconquerable spirit never grows old. I can tell you that finishing “The True Promise and Potential of Aging” over the last few months with serious help from Mary Jaksch of the A-List Blogger Club has been like giving birth. It’s called for every ounce of persistence that is in me. Please don’t give up on any true and worthwhile endeavor in which you may be engaged. Don’t give up on a single one of your dreams or goals, if they are true dreams and true goals. We live in a benevolent universe and all you need is persistence and a little wisdom and your dreams will come true.

4. Value little moments as much as big ones. When we are expressing true character we appreciate the little moments of life and care for them to the best of our ability just as much as we honor the “big” moments. I used to marvel at how my mentor, Martin, would take so much care with cutting his lawn or fixing a broken toilet. Walking into a coffee shop, for example, or into a food market, listening to a stream or watching children at play – it’s all an opportunity to step back from our conditioned existence and celebrate the joy and spontaneity of life.

5. Love balance.We live in a loving universe that relies on balance. If we would be true to our own true character we too must love balance and seek balance at all times. For example, it seems paradoxical, but only the strong can be gentle. And although I find great delight, especially as I get older, in sometimes simply sitting in a chair doing nothing, life demands action and creativity too.

6. Be interested in other people. If you really want to be irresistible, be genuinely interested in what someone else is interested in. If you can find out what makes someone excited or happy – their eyes will glow and friendship will flow.

7. Be kind. Be kind to yourself and others. Sometimes, caught up in some important task, we put undue pressure on ourselves or another. It’s important to be kind and gracious to everything and everyone we meet. It is not weak to be kind. It is a mark of true character — it reveals the love at the core of our being.

In a true partnership...

Lotus by Ingrid Mathews

"In a true partnership, the kind worth striving for, the kind worth insisting on, and even, frankly, worth divorcing over, both people try to give as much or even a little more than they get. 'Deserves' is not the point. And 'owes' is certainly not the point. The point is to make the other person as happy as we can, because their happiness adds to ours. The point is --- in the right hands, everything that you give, you get."

Amy Bloom, writer.

The Lives of Innocent Men and Women

Iwo Jima Monument by Kenneth Garrett

Studies by Medical Corps psychiatrists of combat fatigue cases...found that fear of killing, rather than fear of being killed, was the most common cause of battle failure, and that fear of failure ran a strong second.

S.L.A. Marshall

S.L.A. Marshall (full name, Samuel Lyman Atwood Marshall) (July 18, 1900 – December 17, 1977) was a chief U.S. Army combat historian during World War II and the Korean War. He authored some 30 books about warfare, including Pork Chop Hill: The American Fighting Man in Action, which was made into a film of the same name.

The Challenges of Change

The challenges of change are always hard. It is important that we begin to unpack those challenges that confront this nation and realize that we each have a role that requires us to change and become more responsible for shaping our own future.

Hillary Rodham Clinton

Art, Poetry, and Psychoanalysis



Gardener's Still Life by Carol Rowan



Anyone who lives art knows that psychoanalysis has no monopoly on the power to heal... Art and poetry have always been altering our ways of sensing and feeling ---that is to say, altering the human body and the human mind.

Norman O. Brown



Memorial Day 2012

Remember Their Sacrifice

The Ability to Feel

Barred Owl by Alan Murphy

Taken from the book, The Winner's Notebook, by Theodore Isaac Rubin, M.D.

To Feel

This includes the ability to feel emotion and to know it and to be able to express it --that is, to be able to emote--to show others how you feel and what you feel. Have you felt good, bad, anger, love? Have you expressed your feelings to others? This asset is important in knowing who you are in relation to yourself and to others. What you feel is crucial in knowing who you are, what your values are, where you are going, and in retaining the center of gravity for your life so that you have a choice about your life's decisions and actions and are not a will-o'-the wisp. Feeling and emoting permit you to react, to communicate and to relate to people.

The ability to emote is also crucial to mental health. Without it one's health is indeed in jeopardy. He becomes a walking emotional time bomb and an easy victim of feelings and aspects of himself from which he is cut off. The ability to express both love and anger, without guilt and embarrassment, is all-important in relating. Repressing anger usually leads to repressing love as well. Anger, repressed, often leads to cold, sullen moods, and eventually to vindictive reactions that result in a breakdown in communicating and relating. When people can allow themselves to express anger warmly and appropriately, they can clear the air, communicate, and go on relating and living.

Individuals must at times become disgruntled with each other. This is normal and natural, but reparations, accommodations and mediation cannot be effected without communication of the displeasure and feelings, whatever they are. If you have the ability to talk things over, you are ahead, indeed; but I mean more than verbalizing. By talking, I mean to feel, to be in touch with your feeling and to be able to communicate what you feel. Of course, this asset is only possible as a concomitant of much security and health. It is, therefore, a very good indicator of one's mental health status. However, it will also be closely related to one's background and upbringing. If as a child you lived in a house where emotions were expressed appropriately and freely without punishment or repercussion, then you already have a considerable start toward further developing this important capacity.

If you are at all inclined to take this one for granted, please be aware that there are many people who are almost completely alienated from their feelings, who can't remember ever having had any feelings, who are emotionally estranged from themselves and all other people, who suffer from a deep inner deadness and spend their lives in a vast emotional vacuum.

Theodore Isaac Rubin, M.D. was born April 11, 1923 and lives in New York City. Rubin is a past president of the American Institute for Psychoanalysis and the Karen Horney Institute for Psychoanalysis.

Charm



Couples by Vickie Wade

"At its best, highest form, charm is a show of generosity and moral goodness, an extension of the self toward others that permits them to shine. By helping others relax and unfold, charm allows you to shine, too. Unlike any other quality I can think of, it's self-effacing, self-protective, and attention-getting at the same time."

Peter Smith, writer.

Beating the Anxiety of Online Reading

Post written by Leo Babauta.

zen habits: Beating the Anxiety of Online Reading

I am a huge fan of reading online — I can generally do it for hours a day. But with the explosion of great blogs, online magazines and news sources, personal development sites, social media and more … how do you deal with the anxiety that comes with it?

Anxiety often results from:

■Trying to keep up with all of your reading sources, online networks, etc., which have an endless stream of posts.

■Trying to catch up with a reading backlog that might have items that are months or even a year old.

■Being afraid that you’re missing important or key articles or posts.

■Not being sure that you’re reading all the best blogs and sites, or following the most important people on Twitter or Facebook. And so on. This is an extremely common form of anxiety. Take a reader, Eric, who recently wrote:

I have been struggling with the problem of keeping up with all the awesome self-development websites & blogs for quite a while and I thought I would ask you for your suggestion. The only self-development websites I am subscribed to as a regular reader include yours, Scott Young, Steve Aitchison’s and Lifehacker. I have plenty more that I want to add to my regular list of blogs, but even with just the blogs I regularly read, I frequently have difficulty keeping up with all the excellent articles that are posted on an ongoing basis. My current “waitlist” of articles consists of over 350 articles, among which the oldest one was written in April of last year!

How do you deal with this? It’s a matter of letting go, and realizing you can’t ever, ever possibly read 1% of the good stuff that’s out there. It’s absolutely impossible. And so you must let go, or the anxiety will never end.

Trying to keep up is not only impossible, but a great waste of your life. You could be spending some of that time creating, pursuing a dream, exercising, learning a new skill, spending time with a loved one, or taking a nap. Any of those would be better than trying to keep up with everything, or worrying about it.

How do you let go? More below.

But first, one additional point … Eric also writes:

I have considered subscribing to only the very best ones, because many blogs borrow content from other better blogs. But just the work of trying to research the best ones through trial & error by reading sample articles takes a toll on my time & energy because there are just too many websites and I don’t want to wrongly eliminate some great blogs based on a few of their less-than-average articles. My biggest fear is falling behind on some really important productivity findings, insights and so on, with the rapid rate at which information is expanding these days.

It’s also impossible to know what the best blogs are, and to be sure you’re reading all of them. It’s impossible to find the best posts on the best blogs. This is not an important goal, and should also be let go. The reason for this lies in a philosophy of life, which I call the River Flow philosophy. Let’s take a quick look.

The River Flow Philosophy

If life is a river, and all the information out there (including blogs, social media, etc.) makes up the water, as well as all the possible experiences in the world … imagine trying to consume the entire river. Consuming an entire river is obviously impossible for one person, and no one would ever try.

Trying to consume all information and get all experiences in life is like trying to consume the entire river. Impossible.

Now imagine that you wanted to taste all the best drops of water in the river. How would you go about doing that? Well, you wouldn’t know where the best drops were, and so you might have to sample huge amounts of water to find out. Or you could ask various fish and fishermen, and they might have different opinions, and so you could test out all their recommendations, but that could take a lifetime, and even then you wouldn’t be sure you didn’t miss out on the best drops of water.

This is how many people approach finding the best blogs, the best books, the best movies, the best experiences in life … they try out a huge amount, or read a lot of recommendations and spend a lot of time testing the recommendations. That takes an entire lifetime. And still they might have missed out (actually, they almost certainly did).

Notice the futility of all of this activity. Now imagine that you let go of the goal of tasting all the best drops of water, which isn’t a necessary thing at all.

What might you do instead? Try the drop of water flowing towards you at this moment, and enjoy it. It might not be the best drop of water in the river, but who is to say? Maybe it is. Maybe if you love that drop fully, it will be the best, regardless of how good other drops are.

Enjoy the post or article you do read, and don’t worry about the rest.

Enjoy the experiences you have, and forget about those you don’t experience.

Have fun with the people you’re with, and don’t worry about who you’re missing.

Life is a flowing river, and worrying about every drop is futile. The water you’re in now is the best.

The Art of Letting Go

How do you let go of all the articles you want to read but can’t? How do you let go of the worry that you’re missing great articles? How do you forget about your backlog?

Wipe the slate clean.

Every day, you’re not adding to a new list on a whiteboard — those you’ve read and those you still have to read — but instead you’re starting on a clean whiteboard. This clean board is empty of what you’ve already done, but also empty of what you still need to accomplish. It’s blank, which means the possibilities are endless, and the guilt is zero.

Wipe the slate clean every day.

You don’t need to worry about your reading lists. Mark them all as read. Don’t worry about all the social media posts you haven’t read. Don’t worry about all the blogs there are to search through, or all the news sites there are to keep up with. Each day, your slate is clean.

Then you can decide how to fill that slate each day, and enjoy whatever you choose to experience. Then let go, with a new slate each day.

You won’t get to everything either way, nor will you find the best of the best either way. So enjoy the water you’re in.

Zen Habits is about finding simplicity in the daily chaos of our lives. It’s about clearing the clutter so we can focus on what’s important, create something amazing, find happiness.

zenhabits.com

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21 Suggestions for Success

Riverwalk Cafe by Ruane Manning

1. Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.

2. Work at something you enjoy and that's worthy of your time and talent.

3. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

4. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

5. Be forgiving of yourself and others.

6. Be generous.

7. Have a grateful heart.

8. Persistence, persistence, persistence.

9. Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary.

10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.

11. Commit yourself to constant improvement.

12. Commit yourself to quality.

13. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect.

14. Be loyal.

15. Be honest.

16. Be a self-starter.

17. Be decisive even if it means you'll sometimes be wrong.

18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.

19. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.

20. Take good care of those you love.

21. Don't do anything that wouldn't make your Mom proud.

H. Jackson Brown, Jr. is an American author of over 30 books. His works have sold millions of copies worldwide and have been translated into dozens of languages. His most famous book, Life's Little Instruction Book was originally written as a gift for his son who was leaving home to begin college. It ended up spending more than two years on the New York Times' Best Sellers list. H. Jackson Brown, Jr. is also the author of the popular "21 Suggestions for Success", a collection of simple advice for being successful and happy in all areas of life. In addition, there are many other inspirational and practical quotes by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. Today, H. Jackson Brown, Jr. continues to ponder and write from his remote log cabin in the foothills of the Smokey Mountains.

"What I know for sure..."

The Art of Stephanie Calhoun

"What I know for sure is that no matter where you stand right now---on a hilltop, in a gutter, at a crossroads, in a rut---you need to give yourself the best you have to offer in this moment. This is it. Rather than depleting yourself with judgments about what you haven't done, who you could have become, why you haven't moved faster, or what you should have changed, redirect that energy toward the next big push---the one that takes you from enough to better. The one that takes you from adequate to extraordinary. The one that helps you rise up from a low moment and reach for your personal best."

~Oprah~

Capture the Attention of Others

Spring Cleaning by Rossini

"If you want to capture people's attention, put your own attention on something that has nothing to do with them: oil painting, cooking, wildlife rescue. The more you get lost in what you're doing, the more interesting you'll become."

~ Martha Beck, Life Coach ~

The Illusion of Companionship

Everywhere you look these days, people have their heads down—“talking” with others by typing on their devices. This is the illusion of companionship, writes Sherry Turkle, psychologist and professor at Massachusetts Institute of Technology, in The New York Times article “The Flight From Conversation.” She recommends that people “make room” for conversation. “...We need to remember—in between texts and e-mails and Facebook posts—to listen to one another, even to the boring bits, because it is often in unedited moments, moments in which we hesitate and stutter and go silent, that we reveal ourselves to one another.” Go start a conversation—a real one.

Bottom Line's Daily Burst of Energy

Bottom Line Publications is a registered trademark of Boardroom, Inc.