Why We Love Our Pets: They're Just Like Us!

All You Need Is Love

Painting by Anne Zoutsos

The Mindful Self-Express                                              
The mind-body experiment.                                           

by Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D. Why We Love Our Pets: They're Just Like Us!   

Are rottweiler owners really more hostile and other suburban legends unmasked?

Published on August 15, 2012 by Melanie A. Greenberg, Ph.D. in The Mindful Self-Express

Suburban Marin county is a dog lover's paradise, with its many creekside and tree-lined trails and walking paths. After school dropoff, I join the ranks of Nike-clad moms, fit elders, professional dog-walkers, and erudite, slightly greying early-retired dads in the morning dog walk. It's a suburban legend that dogs and their owners grow more alike over time until you can't tell who is taking whom for a walk! I have certainly seen my share of heavyset Bulldog owners and blonde, coifed women walking Bouviers, but then again, my brain was primed to look for similarities and ignore differences. To get a more objective view, I took a look at the latest scientific findings about pet ownership and now bring you some hot-off-the-press findings about which stereotypes are actually true.

Are Owners of More Aggressive Dog Breeds More Hostile?
Confirmed!
A research study to be published in the October, 2012 issue of the journal Personality & Individual Differences provides the first scientific validation of this rather humorous stereotype. Deborah Wells and her colleague at Queens University in Belfast, Northern Island gave personality questionnaires to dog owners attending an obedience class. They limited the study to stereotypically aggressive breeds, including Rottweilers and German Shepherds, compared to stereotypically friendly and peaceful breeds, including Labs and Golden Retrievers. The owners of the more aggressive breeds scored higher on a personality scale assessing traits of anger, aggression and hostility.

The Why Behind The Science....
The study’s author reported in an e-mail to LiveScience that although this was not yet proven, it is possible that people choose dogs that are an extension of themselves. We choose friends and partners with similar interests and tendencies, so why not dogs? It is also possible that some other factor both causes people to be more aggressive and causes them to choose aggressive breeds. People who are socially isolated, with few visitors or those living in high-crime neighborhoods are under more chronic stress, which may make them more aggressive and also more likely to choose a guard dog, such as a German shepherd.

Does Owning a Pet Make You Healthier?
Confirmed!

Many research studies have been done, looking at this relationship in healthy people, those with chronic illness, the elderly, and nursing home residents. In these studies, dog ownership has been linked to more variability (flexibility) in how the heart adapts to stressful circumstances, lower heart rate and blood pressure, less pain, less substantially less incidence of heart attack or stroke across periods of ten years or longer. Most studies have looked at dogs, but some looked at cats.

The Why Behind the Science....
The obvious explanation is that owning a dog gets you outdoors and walking, as Fido needs exercise. My Aussie Shepherd herds me out the door every morning. We are both hard-working types!! In fact, research shows dog owners get more aerobic exercise than those without pets. Exercise has all kinds of heart health benefits, helps fend off obesity and diabetes, and helps you avoid the pitfalls of a sedentary lifestyle. Getting out of the house also opens up more social opportunities and helps you meet the neighbors and feel more integrated into your neighborhood. This, too, can extend your life, as well-designed studies have documented. But, what about the cat owners? We normally don’t see too many cat walkers around the neighborhood, last that I checked. It turns out that pets also have direct de-stressing effects, without your having to do anything. In experimental studies, when people had to put their hands in ice water, or do mental arithmetic, they were significantly less stressed, both psychologically and physiologically, when accompanied by their pet than by their spouse or friend. Hmmm?

 Do Dog Owners Look Like Their Pets?
 Confirmed!

 Researchers at the University of California, San Diego found that people were able to correctly identify real (versus fake) dog-owner pairs two-thirds of the time, if the dogs were pure breeds. They were less successful with the mutts. This finding of dog-owner similarity has been replicated in Great Britain and Japan.

The Why Behind the Science

The San Diego researchers actually tested the hypothesis that dogs and their owners, like married couples, grow to look more similar over time. This time, there was no evidence to support the relationship. Those who had owned dogs longer were not any more likely to be paired correctly with their dogs than the newer dog owners. Rather than growing more similar, it’s likely people choose dogs that look more like them to begin with. Is this a conscious choice or unconscious bias? We don’t know the answer yet. We do know that humans have an automatic distrust of dissimilar others, and trust increases with increasing perceptions of similarity. In the days when humans lived in small tribes, this could have increased one’s chances of survival. It is fascinating to think that our brains might automatically direct us to “familiar” nonhumans as well.


About the Author

Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D., is a clinical and health psychologist with a private practice in Mill Valley, CA.  She also has an academic and research background and provides workshops for the public and health professionals. She helps clients and providers address the effects of life stress on relationships, self-care, health, career, and parenting. Dr Greenberg applies her knowledge of Cognitive-Behavior Therapy, Mindfulness, and Affect Regulation to promote growth and resilience.  She was a Professor at Alliant International University, San Diego and a Research Psychologist at the VA Medical Center, San Diego. She currently has a private clinical practice in Mill Valley, CA and is the psychologist for the Slim in Seven program at the Bay Clubs in Marin and San Francisco. She is an expert curator for Organized Wisdom.com and has served on the Editorial Boards of Health Psychology and Annals of Behavioral Medicine and as a Special Interest Group Chair of Complementary and Alternative Medicine for the Society of Behavioral Medicine. She has published more than 50 research articles, chapters, and conference abstracts, in journals such as Pain, Archives of Physical Medicine & Rehabilitation, the Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, the Journal of Psychosomatic Research and Biofeedback & Self-Regulation.  She was a reviewer of recent national guidelines for treatment of chronic pain. She has also contributed to Positive Psychology Explorng the Best in People (Praeger), the Handbook of Health Psychology & Behavioral Medicine (Guilford), and the Writing Cure (Guilford) among others. Born in South Africa, she came to the US in 1986 to study Clinical Psychology at Stony Brook, University.She subsequently completed Postdoctoral study in Health Psychology at the City University of New York. Missing the warm weather, she moved out to California, where she has lived happily ever since. She has a husband in biotech, a daughter in Elementary school and is an active, engaged parent. Her next life goal is to make her knowledge accessible via webcasts, e-books, seminars, and books.

Biocentrism by Robert Lanza

Life at the Bottom of the Sea by Theus Alayo

Biocentrism
How life and consciousness are the keys to the universe.
by Robert Lanza

A Trip Through Time and Beyond

A trip through space and time ... and beyond
Published on August 19, 2012 by Robert Lanza, M.D. in Biocentrism
“Who in the World am I?” asked Alice (in Wonderland). “I'm sure I'm not Ada, she said, For her hair goes in such long ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm sure I ca'n't be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, oh, she knows such a very little. Besides, she's she, and I'm I, and—oh dear, how puzzling it all is!”

Alas! The mass of accumulating evidence calls our individual separateness into question. Space and time aren’t the walls we think. Experiments suggest the distinction between past and future—and between here and there—are an illusion. This won’t surprise those who, contemplating the works of men such as Plato, Socrates, and Kant, and of Buddha and other great spiritual teachers, kept wondering about the relationship between the universe and the mind of man. Indeed, even Einstein told us that space and time only exist relative to the observer.

Of course, there are nearly seven billion observers on the planet (not to mention the other eight million eukaryotic species). Scientists have traced all of this life back to some single-celled organism in the Archean sea. Indeed, even the matter and energy that makes us up can be traced back in space and time to a singularity. Clearly, we’re all interrelated, but are we part of a single individuality? Perhaps we’re like the cells in our body, constantly dying and being replaced, part of a complex entity greater than ourselves.

When you think of a living organism, you think of how its parts operate as a unified whole, like the workings of a fine watch. For instance, the cells in leaves produce food for a plant, converting sunlight into chemical energy that it can use as food. The cells in its stems and branches transport food and water from the leaves and roots to the whole organism. Of course, instead of branches, we vertebrates have bones for support, and muscles that give us the ability to locomote and hunt for food. This dynamic interrelationship occurs between species as well, not only in our gut but on a planet-wide scale. We oxygen-breathing lifeforms inhale oxygen and then exhale carbon dioxide; plants then take in the CO2 and use it in their photosynthesis process and in turn give off or “exhale” oxygen.

But there’s more to it than that. We animals interpret the world using space and time—“sensitive concepts,” which, according to biocentrism, are forms in the mind, not hard, external realities. Our individual separateness in space and time (as, for instance, you and I, or Alice, Ada and Mabel) is, in a sense, illusory. Life is a complex play of cells, some around when you’re young, some around when you’re old, but they are all, regardless of species, ephemeral forms of an entity that transcends the walls of space and time.

“I would say,” said Loren Eiseley, the great anthropologist, “that if ‘dead’ matter has reared up this curious landscape of fiddling crickets, song sparrows, and wondering men, it must be plain even to the most devoted materialist that the matter of which he speaks contains amazing, if not dreadful powers, and may not impossibly be, as Hardy has suggested, ‘but one mask of many worn by the Great Face behind.’”

At first glance, it seems bizarre that a frog in the rain forest or a dolphin in the ocean should be directly connected to us. But the double-slit experiment—as well as others—have repeatedly shown that a single particle can be in more than one place at the same time. See the loon in the pond or the dandelion in the field. How deceptive is the space that separates them and makes them solitary. They’re the subjects of the same reality that interested John Bell, who proposed the experiment that answered the question of whether what happens locally is affected by nonlocal events.

Experiments from 1997 to 2007 have consistently shown that this is indeed the case. Physicist Nicolas Gisin sent entangled particles zooming along optical fibers until they were seven miles apart. But whatever action they took, the communication between them happened instantaneously. Today no one doubts the connectedness between bits of light or matter, or even entire clusters of atoms. They’re intimately linked in a manner suggesting there’s no space between them, and no time influencing their behavior. In fact, just this month a team of researchers published a paper in the prestigious journal Nature (Yin et al, 488, 185, 2012) extending this distance to unprecedented lengths—they achieved quantum teleportation across Qinghai Lake in China, a distance of 97 kilometers, roughly equivalent to the distance between New York City and Philadelphia.

In the same way, there is a part of us that’s connected to each other. It’s the part that experiences consciousness, not in our external embodiments but in our inner being. And although we identify ourselves with our thoughts and affections, it’s an essential feature of reality that we experience the world piece by piece. As parts of such a whole we are all one. “Non-separability,” said physicist Bernard d’Espagnat, “is now one of the most certain general concepts in physics.”

Heinz Pagels, the esteemed theoretical physicist, once stated: “If you deny the objectivity of the world, unless you observe it and are conscious of it (as most physicists have), then you end up with solipsism—the belief that your consciousness is the only one.” Pagels’ conclusion is right, except it’s not your consciousness that is the only one, it’s ours. According to biocentrism, our individual separateness may be an illusion. Remember the old Hindu poem: “Know in thyself and All one self-same soul; banish the dream that sunders part from whole.”

That consciousness which was behind the youth you once were, may also be behind the mind of every animal and person existing in space and time. “There are,” wrote Eiseley “very few youths today who will pause, coming from a biology class, to finger a yellow flower or poke in friendly fashion at a sunning turtle on the edge of the campus pond, and who are capable of saying to themselves, ‘We are all one—all melted together.’”

There is more to life than dreamed of in our science and religions. John Haldane, British-born geneticist and evolutionary biologist, once said “The universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose.” Biocentrism suggests space and time aren’t the only tools that can be used to construct reality. Although our destiny is to live and die in the everyday world of up and down, these algorithms could be changed so that instead of time being linear, it was three-dimensional-like space. We’d be able to walk through time just like we walk through space. Life would be able to escape from its corporeal cage. Indeed, our destiny likely lies in realities that exist outside of the known universe.

So say goodbye to death, and fasten your seatbelt for a mind-blowing ride through space and time … and beyond.
Learn more at www.robertlanzabiocentrism.com

Dr. Robert Lanza is currently Chief Scientific Officer at Advanced Cell Technology and a professor at Wake Forest University School of Medicine. He has several hundred publications and inventions, and 30 scientific books: among them, Biocentrism (co-authored with astronomer Bob Berman), which lays out the full scientific augment for his theory of everything. Others include One World: The Health & Survival of the Human Species in the 21st Century (Foreword by President Jimmy Carter), and Principles of Tissue Engineering and Essentials of Stem Cell Biology, which are considered the definitive references in the field. Dr. Lanza received his BA and MD degrees from the University of Pennsylvania, where he was both a University Scholar and Benjamin Franklin Scholar.

Today is National Dog Day

August 26

Celebrate Today With Your Dog!

A Tribute to Neil Armstrong, an American Hero and a Very Good Man

Neil Armstrong
August 5, 1939 - August 25, 2012


Article Posted in The Huffington Post on 08/25/2012 at 3:08 pm Updated 08/25/2012 at 4:48 pm 

On Saturday, Armstrong's family confirmed his death, and released a statement:

“We are heartbroken to share the news that Neil Armstrong has passed away following complications resulting from cardiovascular procedures.
Neil was our loving husband, father, grandfather, brother and friend.

Neil Armstrong was also a reluctant American hero who always believed he was just doing his job. He served his Nation proudly, as a navy fighter pilot, test pilot, and astronaut. He also found success back home in his native Ohio in business and academia, and became a community leader in Cincinnati.

He remained an advocate of aviation and exploration throughout his life and never lost his boyhood wonder of these pursuits.

As much as Neil cherished his privacy, he always appreciated the expressions of good will from people around the world and from all walks of life.

While we mourn the loss of a very good man, we also celebrate his remarkable life and hope that it serves as an example to young people around the world to work hard to make their dreams come true, to be willing to explore and push the limits, and to selflessly serve a cause greater than themselves.

For those who may ask what they can do to honor Neil, we have a simple request. Honor his example of service, accomplishment and modesty, and the next time you walk outside on a clear night and see the moon smiling down at you, think of Neil Armstrong and give him a wink.”

Armstrong commanded the Apollo 11 spacecraft that landed on the moon July 20, 1969, capping the most daring of the 20th century's scientific expeditions. His first words after setting foot on the surface are etched in history books and the memories of those who heard them in a live broadcast.

"That's one small step for (a) man,
 one giant leap for mankind," Armstrong said.

How to Become Open to Life

A Walk In The Park by Aimee Wilson

Posted: 24 Aug 2012 08:57 AM PDT

Keep your hands open, and all the sands of the desert can pass through them. Close them, and all you can feel is a bit of grit.’ ~Taisen Deshimaru

Post written by Leo Babauta.

In many ways, I close myself off to life in all its fullness. I close myself off to others, as a form of self defense.

It happens to all of us. When you left yourself open in the early part of your life, you likely would get hurt from time to time. That pain taught us to close ourselves off in different ways: don’t let others in, use humor to keep some distance, hurt others before they hurt you, back away from anything new, and so on.

I close myself off, and miss the world. I miss out on life when I do that.
And so I’m learning to become more open. It’s a slow process, but in many small ways I’ve learned a lot, and am much more open now than I’ve ever been.

What does it mean to be open? It means that I accept more of life without judgment, and am happier no matter what comes. It means I judge others less, criticize less, accept others more, and learn more about their wonderful particularity.
It means more than ever before I am fully experiencing life.

I’ll share a little about becoming open to life, and to others, in hopes that you’ll find it useful.

1. Judge less, accept more. It seems natural to judge others, but in doing so we close ourselves the truth about these people. The same is true when we judge all the things around us — we close ourselves to finding out more. If judgment is automatic, we should get off autopilot and be more conscious. When we notice ourselves judging, instead, pause, seek to understand, and then to accept. And then to love, and to ease suffering. We should let go of our expectations of everyone around us, and of the world around us, and accept people as they are, and see them as they really are. Does accepting mean we never change things? No, it means we don’t get upset, irritated, frustrated when things aren’t as we’d like them to be, but instead seek to ease suffering.

2. Let go of goals. Many of you know I’ve been experimenting with having no goals, but not everyone understands why. One of the biggest reasons is that when we set a goal, we limit the range of possibilities, because we are setting a fixed destination (the goal). For example, if you say, “I want to run a marathon in six months”, then you will focus your actions on the things it takes to get to that destination (marathon training). But what if someone asks you to go surfing when you’re supposed to do marathon training? Or a new race opens up that you didn’t realize would be there when you set your marathon goal — and it’s even better? If you remain fixated on your goal, then you’ll close yourself off to the surfing, or the new race. This is only one example — it becomes much more subtle (and less clear) when the goals are work goals, because the possibilities are so much broader and wide-ranging. I’m not saying you should never set goals (though that’s a possibility), but you should develop the flexibility to let them go depending on the changing circumstances of each day, each moment.

3. Recognize defense mechanisms. The defense mechanisms we build up over the years in response to painful experiences are many and varied. More importantly, we don’t realize they’re there most of the time, so they are automatic and thus powerful and hard to beat. So learn to recognize them. When you find yourself not doing certain things, ask why. Maybe it’s because you’ve had a bad experience in the past. When you find yourself hurting people, ask why. When you find yourself shutting people or experiences out, ask why.

4. Be like the sky. Suzuki Roshi had a great metaphor … the sky has substance (gases, dust, water), but it is open to accepting everything. This “empty sky” allows other things, like plants, to grow into it. Our mind should be like the sky — accept things as they are, not discriminating. By saying, “this is beautiful, this is not beautiful”, we reject some things. Instead, we can be empty. We can treat everything like it’s part of our big family. We can treat anything as if they were our hands and feet.

5. Watch your fears. Fears are the basis for our automatic defense mechanisms, and similarly, they have power when we don’t know they’re working, when they lurk in the backs of our minds in the dark. Fears close us off to others, to the world, to experiences. Watch your fears, by learning to be quiet, by listening to yourself talk in that quiet. Pay attention to the fears, shine a light on them, and they begin to lose their power. Then you’ll be freed to be open to new things, to anything.

6. Let go of control. We constantly strive for control — of others, of ourselves, of the world around us. Goals, planning, measuring our work, expectations and more — we try to control things in so many ways. Of course, we know that control is an illusion. It’s also a way of shutting out most of the world: if we can control the world, and the future, we are fixing the course of events … and shutting out other possible courses. What happens if we let go of that control? The possibilities open up.

7. Open hands. Walk about in the world with open hands. It’s a simple practice. Your hands are open, and they are empty, ready to receive the world and all that comes, as it is. Your hands aren’t closed,

‘Walking along the edge of a sword,
Running along an ice ridge,
No steps, no ladders,
Jumping from the cliff with open hands.’
~Zen verse

Brief Reflection on Wealth

Amapola Poppie by Camilo Margeli

"Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants."

Esther De Waal

Harmony

Harmony by Artist Charlotte Segal

Harmony doesn't seem extraordinary until you have known him for a  while.  He knows how to be gentle, and such gentleness is surprisingly powerful.  The silence around him is lyrical.  If I sit in his kitchen in the late afternoon and drink ginger tea, by the time I am ready to go home the contradictions inside my head are no longer shouting at me and trying to tear each other apart.  He gives me space to be my whole self.

It may be hard to believe it now, but there was a time when Harmony was afraid to leave his house.  I am not sure about the whole story.  In college he was an outstanding athlete, and he won many prizes.  One summer when he was training intensively, he became dissatisfied with the whole set-up.  Torn apart inside, he could no longer keep his balance.  He alienated many of his friends with his tirades about hypocrisy and ugliness.  Frustrated with people, he took long walks through the neighboring countryside.  He found sanity in the geometry of the old buildings and started dreaming about how to organize spaces in which he could feel more comfortable, thus, stumbling into the profession of architecture through a back door.  He has learned how to design rooms which evoke different aspects of our selves.  Although he is a meticulous architect, he is no longer fussy and alienated.  He can go anywhere now.  Simply by being himself, he alters the current in the field around him.

Excerpt from J. Ruth Gendler's book entitled, The Book of Qualities

Brief Reflection / An Unawakened Soul

"Until one has loved an animal,

 part of one's soul is unawakened." (so true)

French poet and novelist, Anatole France

Guilt

Conception Mission Doorway by Jess Thompson


by J. Ruth Gendler
The Book of Qualities

Guilt is the prosecutor who knows how to make every victim feel like the criminal.  She follows the scent of doubt and self-hatred to its sources.  She will not tell you what you have done wrong.  Her silence is brutal.  Her disapproval surrounds you in an envelope of cold nameless terror.

Guild thinks I am hopelessly lazy because I won't work the way she does.  Her court cases are scheduled years in advance.  She says horrible things about me to the neighbors.  In self-defense sometimes I tell people what she says about me before she has the chance.  I don't care as much as I did, but I can't pretend I don't care at all.

You may recognize Guilt's footsteps before you see her coming.  She limps like a crippled bird.  Even though her broken ankle is healing, the wound in her heart has become infected.

Today is National Homeless Animals Day

Guest Commentary: By Tami Crawford

Today is a day set aside to bring awareness of the thousands of lost, abandoned and unwanted animals facing uncertain futures in communities across the nation.  

As this day approaches, my heart grows heavy with the sadness that so many people continue to view animals as disposable products, simply replaced by another after their pet has been lost or relinquished. For those of us working at shelters and rescue organizations, it is baffling to see the extremes exhibited by pet owners.

We see people searching day after day to find their lost pet and we see dogs and cats arrive at our shelter so neglected that we cannot fathom the poor treatment by their owners. We cry with pet owners when their pets pass away and we hear other owners call their pets “promiscuous” because she “just keeps getting pregnant.” We try to hold on to the strong love many feel for their pets, and continue to work hard to change the others.

At Valley Oak SPCA, we do not hold any illusions that all of the uncaring, unkind pet owners will miraculously change; instead we hope we can move them up a level or two. At the very least, have your pet spayed or neutered so they stop producing more unwanted offspring.

On an average day at our shelter, about 30 animals are euthanized. Many of them could have been someone’s best friend, someone’s needed companion. But without enough space to hold them or enough foster homes to help us care for them, we are left with only one regrettable decision. I say a nightly prayer for the staff who must euthanize the animals. I pray they will be able to compartmentalize and I pray that our communities will become more aware of their actions and how those behaviors affect the rest of us working on behalf of the animals.

Today, Valley Oak SPCA will again line our street with green flags and our shelter with posters to remind visitors and those driving by about the needless deaths of so many innocent dogs and cats.    

Unfortunately, many dogs and cats arrive at shelters without any form of identification, including a microchip, which makes it difficult to get them reunited with their owners. A microchip can mean the difference between life and death for some pets. It’s easy to do and doesn’t cost much. Your local shelter and veterinarians can microchip your pet.   

We invite you to Valley Oak SPCA in Visalia today to view our flag display and photos commemorating this day and perhaps adopt your next pet. They truly are grateful for the second chance.

Lastly, we beg you to have your dog or cat altered in order to reduce the numbers of unwanted births of puppies and kittens. And please search for your lost pet, at the shelter and in your neighborhood. When you are ready for a new pet, please adopt and give the unwanted, homeless pets another chance.   

Crawford is executive director of the Valley Oak SPCA.

Fear and Eliminating It by Taking Risk

Impassioned by Theus Alayo

The following poem, by Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1809-1892), is from In Memoriam A.H.H. 27.  Tennyson was an English poet often regarded as the chief representative of the Victorian age in poetry and succeeded William Wordsworth Longfellow as Poet Laureate in 1850.
Considered a risk taking man, Tennyson promoted the notion of , having a mind of ones  own.
                      *
I envy not in any moods
The captive void of noble rage,
The linnet born within the cage,
That never knew the summer woods;

I envy not the beast that takes
His license in the field of time,
Unfettered by the sense of crime,
To whom a conscience never wakes;

Nor, what may count itself as blest,
The heart that never plighted troth
But stagnates in the weeds of sloth;
Nor any want-begotten rest.

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
                     *
The poet reminds us that it is far better
to take the risk, to face the fear and
do it anyway.
And if you lose, at least you will have loved.

Parental Wisdom

"Sweet Melody" by artist Chidi Okoy

Truisms

Why I Owe My Mother. . .
(and My Father, too)

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . 
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 
"Because I said so, that's why." 

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . 
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.” 

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 

7. My mother taught me IRONY. 
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS . 
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTION-ISM. 
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .... 
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.." 

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . 
"Stop acting like your father!" 
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 
"Just wait until we get home.." 

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .. 
"You are going to get it when you get home!" 

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." 

19. My mother taught me ESP. 
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT . 
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 
"You're just like your father." 

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 

And my favorite: 

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. 
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" 

Only you folks my age understand these profound statements!!! 
But, there is one missing from this list~~My personal all-time favorite!! 

My mother taught me about CHOICE. 
"Do you want me to stop this car?"

"Pets offer an unconditional love that can be very helpful to people with depression."

Painting by Artist Persis Clayton Weirs

By Kathleen Doheny
WebMD Feature Reviewed by Laura J. Martin, MD
Could a kitten's purr or a dog's wagging tail help with your depression? It might.

"Pets offer an unconditional love that can be very helpful to people with depression," says Ian Cook, MD, a psychiatrist and director of the Depression Research and Clinic Program at UCLA.

You Don't Have to Live With Depression.  Understand the symptoms of depression, from sadness to hopelessness to headache.

Uncomplicated love. Are your relationships with family and loved ones complicated and frayed? A pet can be a great antidote. "With a pet, you can just feel," says Teri Wright, PhD, a psychologist in private practice in Santa Ana, Calif. "You don't have to worry about hurting your pet's feelings or getting advice you don't want."

Responsibility. You might not think you can take care of a pet right now. Taking care of yourself may seem hard enough. But experts say that adding a little responsibility can help. It adds a new and positive focus to your life. "Taking care of a pet can help give you a sense of your own value and importance," says Cook. It will remind you that you are capable -- that you can do more than you might think.
Activity. Are barely getting off the couch these days? You need to get more physical activity. Pets can help. "If you have a dog, that dog needs to be walked," Cook says. A little extra physical activity is good for your physical and mental health.

Routine. Having a daily schedule helps people with depression. An animal's natural routine -- waking you in the morning, demanding food or walks -- can help you stay on track.
Companionship. Depression can isolate you. It can make you pull back from your friends and loved ones. If you have a pet, you're never alone. That can really make a difference.

Social interaction. Having a pet can gently push you to get more social contact. You might chat with others while walking your dog at the park or waiting at the vet. Pets are natural icebreakers and other pet owners love to talk about their animals.

Touch. Studies show that people feel better when they have physical contact with others. Pets offer something similar. There's something naturally soothing about petting a cat on your lap. Studies have shown that petting a dog can lower your heart rate too.

Better health. Research has found that owning a dog can lower blood pressure, reduce stress hormones, and boost levels of feel-good chemicals in the brain. One study of Chinese women found that dog owners exercised more often, slept better, reported better fitness levels and fewer sick days, and saw their doctors less often than people without dogs.

Can your depression problems improve when you interact with your pet?

The Drawbacks of Getting a Pet for Depression
Pets aren't for everyone with depression, Wright says. If you're depressed, think carefully before getting a pet. If you have a loved one with depression, don't assume that surprising him or her with a kitten will help. It could make things worse. Here are four things to ask yourself before getting a pet to help ease depression.

Are you comfortable with animals? A lot of people helped by pets had them as children. They're used to having an animal as a source of comfort. If you've never had a pet, it may be less likely to help now.
Will having a pet make you worry? Dwelling on death is a common sign of depression. If getting a pet just means that you'll worry constantly about it dying, that won't help, Wright says.

Is your depression too intense right now? "Taking care of a pet is not unlike taking care of a small child," Wright says. "If your depression is so severe that you can't take care of an animal, it's not a good idea to get one."

Can you afford a pet? Caring for pets can be expensive. The ASPCA estimates that in the first year, a cat can cost more than $1,000 and a dog up to almost $1,850.

Even if getting a cat or dog isn't wise right now, other animals could help. Birds can be surprisingly affectionate and cost only $270 a year in care. While you may not want to snuggle with a fish or a turtle, caring for them could also improve your mood. It creates responsibility and a new focus. Studies have shown that watching fish can lower your pulse and ease muscle tension too.

Cape Disappointment by artist James Lyman

A Senseless Tragedy

Posted by Marjory Abrams on Aug. 06, 2011 in Lessons in Life

Today, I am still numb. Last week, I was touched by one of those tragedies that you read about in the news and see on TV, and always happens far away. But this time it happened near me. A disgruntled employee caught stealing from his employer set off on a shooting rampage that killed eight other employees, including my neighbor. I didn't know him well, but I knew him well enough. Well enough to know that he was a good man, loved by his family, respected in the community, accomplished in his career. My husband taught two of his children... my daughter went to school with one of them. It was difficult -- impossible -- to explain the events to our children that night. Today we and too many others are living in disbelief. I can't imagine what his widow and children are going through.
This tragedy came on the heels of another sad death. A dear friend of a friend was healthy until he wasn't. He went to the doctor about a pain in his stomach, and found out that he only had weeks to live. Knowing that he would die within the next day or so, my friend's wife confided in me that she was nervous about attending the funeral -- uncomfortable seeing his widow and some of her friends, who had never been particularly nice to her. After she told me about her concerns, I gave "Cindy" my view of the situation: That her real fear wasn't in seeing the widow... it was in being the widow. Deep down, as Cindy later acknowledged, her real fear was that it could have been her husband tragically diagnosed, and she couldn't bear the thought of losing him, nor could Cindy talk to her husband about her fears because he was too enrapt with his own grief and support towards his friend.
I don't know where else to go with my thoughts here except to tell you, to implore you, to remember to give love today -- and every day. I hate to sound like a cliché, but it is a lesson that many of us forget through the course of daily living. Make sure that the people you love know that you love them. Rise above petty disagreements. Seek forgiveness and reconciliation with those you hurt and those who hurt you. You may not have the opportunity to do so tomorrow.

Marjory Abrams has been editing BOTTOM LINE/Personal, the company’s flagship newsletter, since 1988. But as the daughter of founder Martin Edelston, Margie has actually been working for Boardroom Inc. since the age of nine. While she has worked on the marketing and business sides of the company, her focus has been on editorial, working her way from staff editor to  managing editor to editor on  BOTTOM LINE/Personal...and to publisher of the Bottom Line family of newsletters before stepping into the presidency in 2010.  Margie’s heart remains with our readers…always tuning in with our experts and always on the search for new and better ways to help our readers and their families live healthier, wealthier, happier lives.

When not with her Edelston family, Marjory is with her loving husband, four magnificent daughters, and their myriad of pets.

Margie's Blog from Bottom Line Secrets
margiesblog.bottomlinesecrets.com/

Quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt

Happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product.

I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do.

The most important thing in any relationship is not what you get but what you give.  In any case, the 'giving of love is an education in itself.

It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself.

It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.

People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously.  This is how character is built.

The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.

We must want for others, not ourselves alone.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.

Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway.  You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

A woman is like a tea bag- you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.

Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.

I could not at any age be content to take my place in a corner by the fireside and simply look on.

I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.

If someone betrays you once, it's their fault; if they betray you twice, it's your fault.

Justice cannot be for one side alone, but must be for both.

Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive.  One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.

One thing life has taught me: If you are interested, you never have to look for new interest.  They come to you.  When you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will always lead to something else.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror.  I can take the next thing that comes along.'  

The Rise of Incivility and Bullying in America

The majority of Americans report that incivility and bullying is on the rise

Published on July 15, 2012 by Ray Williams in Wired for Success

Has the recession and economic equality been a catalyst for growing incivility in America? Just look at our TV shows—the superficial pettiness and backstabbing of Orange County or Vancouver housewives, New Jersey shore grotesques, bullying chefs, rude and disrespectful contest judges, talk show hosts, news program hosts, and politicians.

Repeated public opinion polls have voiced the concern of Americans over the erosion of civility in government, business, media and social media. The most recent poll by Weber Shandwick, reported that 65% of Americans say the lack of civility is a major problem that has worsened during the financial crisis and recession. What’s even more distressing is that nearly 50% of those surveyed said they were withdrawing from the basic tenants of democracy—government and politics—because of incivility and bullying.

The second survey of Civility in America was conducted by KRC Research in late May 2011 using an online survey of 1,000 U.S. adults. The 2011 results from Civility in America fall into several key areas in this report—civility in politics, education, the workplace, the Internet and 
the marketplace. Most Americans report they have been victims of incivility (86%). Their most common encounters with rude or disrespectful behavior come while driving (72%) or shopping (65%). Americans also admit to perpetrating incivility—approximately six in 10 (59%) Americans acknowledge that they themselves have been uncivil.

Uncivil behavior is also increasingly showing up in our classrooms, not just at work. Half of American parents (50%) report that their children have experienced incivility at school and nearly half of Americans twenty years and older (45%) say that they’d be afraid to be teenagers today because of incivility’s frequent occurrence. One in 10 (11%) parents report that they have sent children to a different school due to problems with incivility.

With incivility a growing problem in America, the risk of companies losing business over it is becoming more of a reality. Approximately seven in 10 Americans (69%) have either stopped buying from a company or have re-evaluated their opinions of a company because someone from that company was uncivil in their interaction. Further, nearly six in 10 (58%) have advised friends, family or co-workers not to buy certain products because of uncivil, rude or disrespectful behavior from the company or its representatives. All of these reported buying behaviors have significantly increased since one year ago.

Cyber bullying—when someone is threatened, harassed or embarrassed by another using the Internet — is of great concern to Americans today. Nearly seven in 10 Americans—69%—report that cyber bullying is getting worse. An equally large number (72%) worry about children being cyber bullied. The National Crime Prevention Council recently reported that a sizeable 58% of fourth to eighth graders have had mean things said to them.

Pier M. Forni, an award-winning professor of Italian Literature and founder of The Civility Initiative at Johns Hopkins University and author of The Civility Solution: What to Do When People are Rude says, “In today’s America, incivility is on prominent display: in the schools, where bullying is pervasive; in the workplace, where an increasing number are more stressed out by coworkers than their jobs; on the roads, where road rage maims and kills; in politics, where strident intolerance takes the place of earnest dialogue; and on the web, where many check their inhibitions at the digital door.”

Nowhere is the problem of incivility more promiment than in politics with political discourse between candidates degenerating into attack ads and worse. The NAACP recently published a report called “Tea Party Nationalism,” exposing what it calls links between various Tea Party organizations and racist hate groups in the United States, such as white-supremacist groups, anti-immigrant organizations and militias. The NAACP report , which counts among its authors, Leonard Zeskind, one of the country’s foremost scholars of white nationalism, says the Tea Party has become a site for recruitment by white supremacists and others.
Forni of Johns Hopkins’ Civility Initiative says the onslaught of rude, bullying and uncivil behavior—intensified by the 24/7 reach of the Internet and social-networking sites such as Facebook—adds to the stress people are already feeling and can translate into real and very tragic consequences.

 “The weak economy, wars, the threat of terrorism, the hostile political environment, the two major parties warring with one another and exchanging salvos that are not very civil—these are not the most pleasant or stress-free of times,” says Forni. “When we are stressed, we are less likely to be considerate and kind to others. We retire, retreat into the citadel of ourselves and we shut the door. We are more prone to anger. We are less tolerant of the mistakes of others.”

Forni says feelings of insecurity only exacerbate the problem. “When we are insecure or not sure of ourselves for whatever the reason because the economy is bad, or we think we are going to lose our jobs … very often we shift the burden of that insecurity upon others in the form of hostility,” he says. “It is the kick-the-dog syndrome. You make an innocent pay for how badly you feel in order to find some kind of relief.”
Incivility and bullying behavior is also often a precursor to physical violence, says Forni. According to the Department of Labor, there are about 1.8 million acts of physical violence in the American workplace in any given year.

“How in the world can we stop bullying in schools, in the workplace, in politics, when it is so close to our national character right now?” asks Dr. Gary Namie, a psychologist and cofounder of the Workplace Bullying Institute, a Washington state–based nonprofit.

Writing in the Canadian Journal of Cultural Studies, Roddey Reid, a professor of cultural studies at the University of California contends, “Although a universal problem, bullying enjoys a virulence and prevalence in contemporary U.S. culture virtually unmatched anywhere else in terms of its reach, depth, and legitimacy. Unlike in many European nations and Canada it is not illegal in the U.S.”

Reid argues that Americans should not be surprised at the levels of incivility. It’s not like there wasn’t ample warning. “So much macho bluster. Strutting around, talking tough. But following close behind came the actions: fire-bombings of abortion clinics, serial capital executions, gay bashings—not to mention “three-strikes” laws and mandatory sentencing that send citizens off to long prison terms for petty drug offenses, tripling the U.S. prison population within twenty years. Next to come in for brutal treatment were the schools and workplaces: from the presence of police in hallways and zero-tolerance drug tests to factory closings and the downsizing of middle-management, to the cutting and privatization of public services and government programs. Even the Post Office became a ‘profit centre of excellence’ meant to compete with private sector enterprises; it also became a centre of workplace violence and shootings,” Reid says.

Incivility and bullying has carried over into the workplace. Look at the popularity of Donald Trump’s Apprentice TV show, where people eagerly await Trump’s now famous edict—“you’re fired”—as some kind of pleasure. Stanley Bing wrote in the early 1990s:

"So it is today, where bullying behavior is encouraged and rewarded in range of business enterprises. The style itself is applauded in boardrooms and in business publications like Business Week, as "tough," "no nonsense," "hard as nails." When you see these code words, you know you're dealing with the bully boss...thanks to the admiration in which bully management is held in American business and academic gurus who perpetuate the techniques."

Some of our captains of industry, supposed models of leadership, are increasingly engaging in uncivil behavior. Witness Is smack-talking Oracle co-founder and CEO Larry Ellison calling the HP board “idiots” for firing Mark Hurd, and ridiculing SAP co-founder Hass Plattner’s “wild Einstein hair” in an email to the Wall Street Journal or even dissing Bill Gates as not being so smart, as reported by Brad Stone and Aaron Ricadela, writing in Bloomsberg BusinessWeek.

Little is said in the U.S. media or public discussion about how the continuing obsession with short-term profits and the awarding of exorbitant executive pay lay the foundation for a surge in abusive behavior in the workplace to begin with, let alone how the introduction of best-practices of flexible employment, outsourcing of traditional company tasks, and the recourse to workers reclassified as “independent contractors” have opened the door to “management by terror” Reid contends. These changes compounded worker vulnerability in those workplaces already left to the tender mercies of “at-will employment,” a workplace regime dating from the 19th century and unique to the U.S.

The workplace is increasingly characterized by incidents of incivility and bullying, and this may be part of a general societal trend, exacerbated by tough economic times.

A startling 37% of American workers—roughly 54 million people—have been bullied at work according to a 2007 survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute. The consequences of such bullying have spread to families, and other institutions and cost organizations reduced creativity, low morale and increased turnover. According to the Institute, 40% of the targets of bullying never told their employers, and of those that did, 62% reported that they were ignored.

According to a 2007 survey by Zogby International, almost 50% of the U.S. workers report they have experience or witnessed some kind of bullying—verbal abuse, insults, threats, screaming, sarcasm or ostracism. One study by John Medina showed that workers stressed by bullying performed 50% worse on cognitive tests. Other studies estimate the financial costs of bullying at more than $200 billion per year.
The recent economic downturn, with layoffs and financial pressures on managers to perform may have exacerbated the bullying problem. Research conducted by Wayne Hochwarter and Samantha Englehardt at Florida State University concluded that “employer-employee relations are at one of the lowest points in history,” with a significant decline in basic civility.

According to the Department of Labor, there are 1.8 million acts of physical violence in the American workplace every year. According to Time magazine columnist Barton Gellman, threats against President Obama’s life brought him Secret Service protection at the earliest on record for any presidential candidate, and the number of extremist groups in the U.S. increased 244% in 2009.

According to a 2008 study published in the Canadian Journal of Cultural Studies, allegiance to many old public virtues such as the Bill of Rights, the Geneva Convention and the rule of domestic and international law is now commonly mocked or dismissed as quaint by significant people in power and persuasion.  
In the The Case for Civility: And Why Our Future Depends On It, well-known author Os Guinness argues that civility needs to be rebuilt in western societies like the USA if they are to survive: "Civility must truly be restored. It is not to be confused with niceness and mere etiquette or dismissed as squeamishness about differences. It is a tough, robust, substantive concept… and a manner of conduct that will be decisive for the future of the American republic”.

Trevor Cairney, writing for the Center for Apologetic Scholarship and Education, says that civility refers to the behavior between members of society that create a social code and is a foundational principle of a civilized society. The Romans in creating an empire that expanded around the world put great emphasis on civil virtue. The Romans believed in honest debate, civility in the streets and treating adversaries with respect, even if defeating them in battle. Historians looking at the fall of the Roman Empire have tried to find reasons why the great Empire failed. Many see the loss of the civil society as a symptom of the loss of civility in general as a major reason for the fall of the Romans. People stopped treating each other with respect. The Empire itself stopped treating those they conquered with respect. What was once a society of mutual respect for all became a society of overconfidence of complacency. The very values that made the Roman Empire great were the very values that were left behind.

Jim Taylor, a psychologist at the University of San Francisco, writing in the Huffington Post, contends that “Civility is about something far more important than how people comport themselves with others. Rather, civility is an expression of a fundamental understanding and respect for the laws, rules, and norms (written and implicit) that guide its citizens in understanding what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. For a society to function, people must be willing to accept those strictures. Though still in the distance, the loss of civility is a step toward anarchy, where anything goes; you can say or do anything, regardless of the consequences.”

So what is to be done about incivility? Forni, co-founder of the Civility Project, defines the basics of civility as the Three R’s: Respect, Restraint and Responsibility. These fundamental components of civility were echoed strongly in our research. When Americans were asked to define “civility,” the words “respect” and “treating others as you would want to be treated,” predominated.

Civil communication begins early. The more that incivility infiltrates our culture, the more we may become dangerously indifferent to its existence and pass it down to the next generation. Many Americans agree that there should be civility training at school and at work. Perhaps a national public education program starting in the schools, cities and public squares across America could turn the tide on incivility and help restore respect and pride as a country.

“A national public education campaign endorsed by political leaders, schools, PTAs and corporate America and distributed through the media might be an important first step towards bringing civility back to our shores,” argues Jack Leslie, Chairman of Weber Shandwick.

A second step may have to be legislation that proscribes incivility. In the U.S., 20 states are exploring legislation that would put bullying on the legal radar screen. In Canada, the provinces of Ontario, Saskatchewan and Quebec have passed legislation that addresses workplace bullying, although both countries are far behind some European nations and New Zealand.

One thing is for sure; if the culture of incivility, and along with it bullying, continues to escalate in America, it could fan the flames of violence and anarchy.

Ray Williams provides leadership development to executives. He is author of The Leadership Edge, Breaking Bad Habits, and the novel Dragon Tamer, and also writes for the National Post/Financial Post and Salon.com.